Running in the elements

Its a cloudy day in the Midwest and we are approaching our first taste of winter weather this evening and into our 5k run tomorrow. The forecast is highs in the 30's and a delightful mix of rain and snow. I'm actually oddly excited to face the elements during tomorrow run.

Which brings me to my next point. Run. I use that term loosely in reference to tomorrow's 5k. I was reading the Hotlegs Runner blog this week (check out the giveaway she has below in my previous entry) and she had this awesome list of 53 Runner's Commandments. #15 is that getting out of shape is much easier than getting into shape. Yes- many of us have been there, but I'm interested to see how things shake out tomorrow. This summer, I was frequently working out and running and finally starting to get into some times that I was happy with. This fall, my working out has been much more sporadic and virtually non-existent in November. My expectation of myself is that this race jump starts my attitude and ambition so that when my official marathon training starts in December I have some endurance back.

What do you think of working out in the elements? How do you prepare for "less than perfect" conditions?

Cool Giveaway!

Hop over to The Hotlegs Runner blog - she's doing a very cool headband giveaway!

http://www.hotlegsrunner.com/2010/11/gear-review-and-giveaway-bondi-band.html

I doubt it.

Don’t take this that I’m fishing for compliments or encouragement. I just have to get this out there. I am so surprised by the responses I’m getting from people in regards to running my marathon. I thought that I’d tell the people closest to me as another tool to help hold myself accountable. And really – some of the responses have really surprised me. A few people that I’m closest too, if by force because they are family or coworkers, have literally laughed in my face when I told them about my goal. Um, hello family / friends / acquaintances – Thank you. Yes. I know how hard this is going to be. Remember – my father has completed 50+ marathons? Many of which I was waiting there at the finish – after I ran my race that same day? My internship? Was at the Twin Cities Marathon. I get it people, its going to be hard, but cheese and rice, have a little faith in me!

What I want to tell them – is that I’m already afraid that I won’t make it. Or that like every other thing in my life I’ve committed to I’ve failed at. And that any additional doubt is NOT what I need. It goes back to this quote I remember from 7th grade health class (shout out Mrs. Bigalk). “Don’t blow out my candle to make yours shine brighter.” Quite frankly – behind my back – doubt all you want – but at least fake it when this comes up next time we’re together okay?

At the end of the day, I’m most appreciative for those friends that I know sincerely believe in me. It’s generally a reciprocated relationship – because I also believe in them, that those friends can accomplish the goals that they want to accomplish. It’s those friends, that take the usual, sarcastic, self-deprecating me that we laugh at what I’m saying together but it ends with real support of accomplishing my goal.

*Side Note*
I went back and re-read old blog postings. It’s interesting to see where I wanted to go and where I am. Keeping in mind – there is a little bit more to my life than my weight-loss initiatives, it is quite apparent how much of my life is spend thinking about these goals I have. Time for inaction to stop and action to kick in.

Cardio Slips Away!

Wow... so I've been getting back into the routine of tracking what I eat via Weight Watchers everyday... and believe me, this weekend was filled with point totals that could have been the weights in pounds of elementary school kids. Yikes. Anyway. What's done is done... well, consumed and digested anyway. All that's left is a successful week this coming week. It will be a good week. Now I just have to make the decisions that support that.

I'm also back at the gym. A couple of days last week I had to miss and I was so frustrated by the life events that interrupted hitting the gym, but my BF reminded me that its still the beginning. Its not like I'm in the middle of my marathon training where each workout will be a lot more important. My goal is to start my marathon training down 20# from today scary weight.

As referenced in my post title - while working out at the gym - I am AMAZED at how quickly the cadio endurance I developed during boot camp slipped away from me! How does it go away so quickly? I know I can get it back, but just running over the weekend it was SO much tougher than just a month or two ago.

Question - has anyone every done the VO max cardio testing? What about the Bod Pod body fat measuring tool?

Alright. So not one of my better blog posts here... I promise posts of substance will come back soon, but deadlines and billing and numbers and problem solving has seemed to suck my creative writing ability out of me today.

Every Damn Day Just Do It!

Alright. I'm back. And feeling as heavy and out of shape as every. Since about the 4th of July, things have been pretty chaotic with the real world... After this last week of chaos coming up - that's it. Things should be settled and I'll be out of excuses. Plus- I also ran to the mall over lunch to find some new work clothes. Short of bursting into tears in the dressing room - I walked out with new workout gear instead.

Let me mention the biggest change I've decided to make. Who will be running the 35th annual Grandma's Marathon in Duluth next June? Yep. This girl. Yes - I said next June. I've got plenty of time to get my act together. My game plan is over the next few months, I plan on losing a few lbs with Weight Watchers and then January, it will begin my 26 weeks of marathon training. I'm using a bit of an extended plan, but after all the research I've done, it is the most realistic plan for me. I will be using Jeff Galloway's marathon book as my guide. I've also finished the book "The Nonrunner's Marathon Guide for Women". She was a novice runner that took the marathon bull by the horns and advice in "rookie" terms.

Why a marathon??? My dad has completed many marathons... I've spent many mornings on race courses as a kid, waiting for him to finish and they are some of my favorite mornings growing up. My college internship was also with the Twin Cities Marathon - and I almost cry watching people cross the finish line. I think its that cool to do. So I made a promise to myself to run a marathon by the time I'm 30. Well, that leaves me with two more summers to accomplish this goal, and no good reason to wait until the very last minute or summer as it may be. The countdown is on... 3 months to get moving and drop some lbs then I'll take that slender body out for hundreds of miles of training runs.  Its about damn time I find a goal and stick with it... and finally I have one that really really means a lot to me. Do me a favor? Remind me of that over the next 9 months, mmmkay?????

Alive....

Still alive and breaking the rules... I miss all your blogs - they are so great and really inspirational to read.

after basically the month of June off from working out, I started another 10 weeks of boot camp today! I'm up a couple pounds and ready to refocus.

Hope that everyone is doing well and chasing dreams.

Nora

I'm a Rebel, That's Right.

So at risk of getting fired... or written up... lets face it, I'm in HR and my bosses love me, so probably a good talking to that will make an anal-retentive, nervous planner like myself burst into tears and have a panic attack - here I am sneaking in a quick blog.

Not so much for myself did I sneak on and get my fix, but I HAD to catch up and read everyone else's. I think about the blogger folk and how their weeks are going, and whats been successful and what the challenges have been. I love the place where people, I believe, are their "real" selves, on not always these perfect blow smoke up your ass people.

Anyway - I have no computer or Internet at home right now.... (old computer crashed, therefore no need for the Internet) so I'm now psyching myself up for a new laptop purchase so I can go into my local Dunn Brothers and become a pretentious blogger with my skinny latte's. Okay. Just a Blogger and Bejeweled Junky, as quitting cold turkey is not in this girl's cards.

My company is tracking all internet use. Damn.

Summer, Summer, Summer Time!

It was is the best of times, it was is the worst of times. Alright. Slightly dramatic. But hear me out. Summer is when it is SUPPOSED to be easy eating because of all of the fresh produce supplied by our hard-working family farmers. Well. I beg to differ. Summer is when my alcohol consumption sky rockets (read: pizza and garlic bread Sundays). I hate turning on the oven and heating up our always warm house, therefore there is frequent eating out / ordering in. And I always find excuses to do something after work that keeps me from regular grocery store trips, etc. So now what????  When will I drum it into my head that eating is essential to me ever reaching my goals? Seriously - Even if I just had the discipline to eat well 6 out of the 7 days, I know I'd lose weight. Hell. I was just doing it 6 weeks ago. But progress has stalled. And dammit. I'm NOT going to fail this time. I don't ever want to simply "start" a diet. Its time to cross the flipping finish line. Sheesh. Its time to hammer down and really plan my meals. Fail to plan = plan to fail for me.

I also was reflecting back that the past few weeks my workouts have been the hardest, I've been sluggish, and I almost feel incapable of pushing myself further. Well, hello! This totally correlates to my crap eating! I'm totally realizing that if I'm not fueling my body with better foods, my workouts will never reach the caliber it will take to do things like run a half marathon - or get me to a sub-30 minute 5k. I need to earn the right to achieve these goals, and fueling my body with crap just won't cut it.

Which leads me to an article our boot camp instructor sent me last summer, about the Ape Diet. Summary is below - not that I expect to eat like an ape, (except for in the quantity category of 11 #s of food) - but what a good refresher on how important fruits and veggies are to a diet, and filling ourselves up on foods that are filling for nutritional content. Not fat and caloric content.

"Jill Fullerton-Smith, who might be considered a pariah by fast food devotees in the U.S., organized a 12-day trial that included nine volunteers aged 36 to 49 who would eat a diet fit for primates. These nine were housed in a tented enclosure at the Paignton Zoo in Devon, England. Because they were adjacent to the zoo's ape house, their eating regimen during the trial has been nicknamed the Ape Diet. Fullerton-Smith turned to King's College Hospital and Lynne Garton, a registered dietician and nutritionist, to devise the Evo Diet consisting of the types of foods that humans evolved to eat over thousands of years, a diet that would also lower cholesterol and blood pressure.

Participants sampled ape diet.

Garton took her inspiration from a plant-based diet of man's closest relatives, the apes. She devised a program that was made up of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and honey that would be given to the participants on a three-day rotating basis. The menu had three requirements: 1. It had to be safe eaten raw. 2. It met adult human daily nutritional requirements. 3. It provided 2300 calories--between 2000 recommended for women and 2500 for men

And what did they eat daily? Five kilograms (11 pounds) or 2300 calories of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and honey on a 3-day rotation, typically:

Broccoli, carrots, radishes Cabbage, tomatoes, watercress Strawberries, apricots, bananas Mangoes, melons, figs, plums Satsumas, hazelnuts

The only liquid for the volunteers was plain water. In the second week the participants were given "standard portions" of cooked oily fish that might have been part of the hunter/gatherer lifestyle. Anyone facing the task of devouring 2300 calories of raw food daily will soon discover that is an impossible task for most people. Most of the volunteers were unable to finish their daily quota of food. Guards were stationed outside of the tent to keep any members of the group from sneaking off to the local pub for a pint and some chips.

Roughage has side effects:

Garton revealed that without caffeinated drinks and some foods in their normal diets, the participants enjoyed good energy levels and did not display "unhappiness and grumpiness." The major side effect was the flatulence from all the newfound roughage they were eating, not a subject discussed in polite English society. Of course, the human apes were able to derive health benefits from this diet in spite of the oily fish during the second week. The average cholesterol of the group fell 23%, an amount that is usually achieved by prescribing statin drugs to accomplish those dramatic results. The average blood pressure dropped from 140/83 to 122/76. The experiment was not designed for weight loss, yet the group averaged a 9.7-pound drop.

Commenting on the experiment, Garton said, "The main lesson that they took away was to eat more fruit and vegetables. They also cut salt intake from a group average of 12 grams a day to 1 gram (against a guideline maximum of 6 grams) and reduced saturated fat--which makes cholesterol--from 13% to 5% of calories (recommended 11%)."

One of the participants, Jon Thornton, a 36-year-old driving instructor, was volunteered by his wife. Thornton weighed in at 19-stone (266 pounds) and confessed that he never eats vegetables. What he faced in the tent was quite a change from his usual fare of bacon, sausage, eggs, fish and chips, and Chinese take-out food. He almost quit the experiment on the first day when he opened a cold box and was greeted with raw vegetables, especially the reviled broccoli. After the initial shock, he found himself eating huge portions of fresh fruit and vegetables. At the end of those twelve days he had lost 12.5 pounds, reduced his cholesterol by 20%, and saw his blood pressure drop. "

So better to eat like an ape than a pig I guess!

Excuse me, What???

Today, I went to have lunch with my blind BFF. I know you guys might have good BFF's, but let me tell you about mine. She used to have a job very close to mine so once a week we were able to meet for lunch and gossip, and laugh, and survive. She had a baby mid-February and had been out on maternity leave. So we still had our lunches, but they were a little longer apart. Fast forward to the week before she is to return back to work, and due to a genetic condition, her eyes give out and she's legally blind. My BFF is so flipping awesome, today she hopped on a city bus for who knows how long, blind and with her four-month old and met me for lunch. It Made.My.Day. Her mom was planning on picking her up from lunch to go to a dr appointment for BFF's dad, and the bomb was dropped. BFF's dad has a brain tumor. I can't believe it. This happens to other people's families... Not BFF's family. Its long winded and complicated, but the family sure could use some prayers after the storm cloud they've been stuck under. It is time for the sun to shine. BFF's family practically is family (they've known me since I was 4 with bladder issues for cryin out loud). I just love BFF and BFF's mom. Such brave, smart, beautiful women.

Anyway - below is what I started before lunch. I'm a little lost for words but I have to say. I'm SO thankful for my health, and my family's health. And my BFF's. And even on these bad days, or I don't feel like working out, and making my body stronger, I will remind myself that I CAN work out. And when I get pissed about a bulge there, or a roll here, a dimples there, there, there, there... and, oops, and there. I will be THANKFUL for my body and give myself a damn break some days. There are worse things in life than an extra slice of 'za. I'm sure I'll still have a bad day, and complain but I hope I can keep things in perspective, and that same ability to keep things in perspective (that eating extra calories everyday will go against being that healthy body), I will reach out and grab the goal that I want and expect myself to accomplish.

Only 4 more boot camp sessions left! I'm so bummed. I've been having a really good time with class this session. Today we did the "One Upper Game". Our trainer sets up various stations, today it was Burpies, Squats, Step-Ups, and Side Shuffles and we keep track how many activities we did in 45 seconds. For example, how many burpies you can do. The first go round I did 27. Then the next time you get to that station, you try to beat that number, so the second time, I got 35. What I love about this is that the second round, I always push myself hard enough, even though I'm winded from the stations before, I beat my score. And that always feels great.

DAMN - Funny Part - So before the big news at said lunch, while BFF was holding baby, some old ladies walked past us and complimented BFF on how precious her daughter was, and turned to me and said: "You must be the proud grandma." Excuse me???  I'm 27 years old, often complimented that I look young for my age and have beautiful skin,  and AND a year and a half younger than BFF. Really? Really? Sheesh. If that old lady's eyes are that bad - I'd rather take my chances with blind BFF driving than that old lady!!!

Hello? Friday? Where the F are you?

This is my brain.... this is my brain after my first audit.... aklsdfj sdlkfj sdkfjasldfyenvlk. Understand? I went through my first audit at work today. Now somehow I need to put the rest of the day together in such a manner that I continue to function and drive myself home when the clock finally ticks to the magical moment of 5:00. Today might be considered a success if my coworkers don't find me running around with my dress over my head and drooling. I'm burned out and trying to fight crabbiness. Ready for the weekend, and now have to psych up and finish our company's billing for the month. and in my most whiny voice.... I don't want to. I wanna go home, lay my behind on the couch, and watch some TV.

Instead, I will go home, dig out some energy from somewhere in my body, so I can spend the rest of the night pulling weeds, weed whipping (didn't get done whatever other day I said I was going to do that), and polluting my local ground water with Round-Up. Sorry Mother Nature. I owe you a tall one. Plus side to destroying the Earth is that yard clean up should burn some extra calories.

New fav find is "Wholly Guacamole." I made was able to bring some chips and baked, organic blue corn chips to work with me today - and ooo. SO hit the spot! It tastes great and requires about 1/8th of the work reguarly guacamole does. I also added extra tomatoes for a little bit more filling of a dip. Super satisfying, and I can't wait to have some more with dinner tonight. Its Taco Wednesday (just like at my grandpa's Americal Legion Post 98) at my house, and I'm doing my best to swear off alcohol until Saturday.

The only problem with a 4-day work week is that it is usually followed by a 5-day work week.

ISO - New Game Plan

For the past 9 weeks, I've been participating in Look Good Naked Bootcamp at my Anytime Fitness gym. Its 10 weeks long of 4 days per week, 5 optional Saturday workouts, nutrition guidance, workouts, etc. I did the program last summer, saw some decent results, and started up again this spring. That's right. Monday -Thursday, I drag my ass out of bed at 4:45 am to go to boot camp. (There's also an attendance policy.) I participate in the 30 minute "Express" boot camp. Something just clicked in me this time, and I have had better results with this 30 minute express boot camp than last summer's full hour long boot camp session. Well, I'm really disappointed, and so are my fellow express boot campers, to learn that the gym will only be offering one morning session this summer, from 5:30-6:30. My work schedule is changing so I start at 7 a.m., and I haven't got official approval yet if I can just attend 30 minutes of class  - which would result in missing out on ab work everyday, and the hour long is not paced as rapidly as the express class. Long, winded story short, if I don't start the next session of boot camp on July 12, WTF is going to be my new game plan? The accountability factor with attendance sheets and weekly weigh-ins and consequences has been so important, that I'm just not ready to be boot camp free yet.  And although last week, 4:45 am kicked my ass more than the class did, I do have a routine, a rhythm, a lifestyle I've started.

Alright, alright. Enough whining, I know. Certainly there are worse things in life that have happened. I'm just super disappointed in the gym right now. But don't worry, they've received an email voicing my concern. I think its all about getting in the right frame of mind that someone might not be there in the next few months to hold me accountable like they do now and I'll have to depend on my own discipline to keep getting me up and to the gym at 4:45 am.

In this session, there are 6 classes left. Two this week, and four next week. I decided that I'm going to do my "detox" beginning Sunday, June 20 for a week. Its a very easy, not very intense cleanse I received from a personal trainer a few years back. Its basically no fat, flour, dairy, or sugar (other than naturally occurring in fruits), and Yerba Mate tea with each meal for a week. I'm expecting 3 days of headaches from the lack of my lovers, starches and white carbs, then I actually feel energized and ready to take on the world.

Hope the sun is shining where you are - its rainy, gray and windy here. Looks like I'll hit the gym instead of weed-whacking the yard tonight.

1, 2.. Skip a Few.... 99, 100!

The skip a few part. Uh, Yeah. That has been the theme to my food journaling the past two weeks, I've got a couple days in, but not all. However... I woke up this morning with the motivation that took a serious vacation from me last week!

I feel like bloggerville had a flu going around - not a lot of motivation, some hard weeks on the scale, but let me be the first to say I'm predicting a community-wide come back! Reframing what we are all on here to do - tell the tales of WEIGHT LOSS! Sure there are ups and downs, but I'm feeling it guys! Better eating, stronger workouts, and strong attitudes. Summertime - long days, short shorts, and limitless activities with the ones we love.

Do you feel like gagging yet?

Just had to throw it out there - that like a few other blogs today, I'm also stepping up and re-committing myself, and I'm absolutely excited again.

Things essential to my success / goals for June:

1. Food / Exercise Tracking on FatSecret.com
2. Planning lunches at work - not buying more than *1* lunch out per week.
3. 250 minutes of exercise per week.

I'm sure there are other things I could add, but this seems like a reasonable start for me. I've also considered doing a very light, very easy "detox" that's only 7 days long. Is basically no processed food, flour/wheat, or fat for 7 days. Super easy, and just a good way to refresh and cleanse the tastebuds.

It also sounds like I might be hitting Vegas at the end of August - and if that's the case, I'd love to be 15#'s lighter / in the 160's. So when I'm bitching and complaining about things not going well, remind me of that, okay?

BYOC Friday!

5 fun questions you wouldn't typically answer! Happy Blogging - Thanks Drazil!

1. If you could live anywhere in the world - where would it be and why?
Even though the winters can be awfully lame, I would probably stick here in Minnesota if I could have my dream home on a nice lake or river with a big yard. As much as family can drive me crazy, I don’t think I’d ever live too far from them.

2. How old were you when you got drunk for the 1st time?
I think 16 was the first time I got rip-roaring drunk. Ah… the memories. Sophomore year. I think that’s when I temporarily rebelled.

3. What was your favorite toy growing up?
I have to pick two favorite toys. 1st was my Sit and Spin, and the second was probably my Speak and Say. Because, apparently I was a fan of alliteration with the “s” sound as a child and my favorite toys had to fill that idiosyncrasy.

4. What's your favorite season and why?
I’m a 100% summer girl. I love sun dresses and the water and walking outside without coats on… but I also love the fall where you can wear jeans and a t-shirt during the day and jeans, a sweatshirt and flip-flops at night at a bonfire with good friends.

5. Which Blog or Comment spoke to you this week?
This is really bad of me - but I can't remember who's blog this came from - but this is the comment I really liked: "I start each day over again. Like today is today. Tommorrow is tomorrow and yesterday was yesterday. Do the right thing TODAY. Don't worry about the weight except as a by product of today. You can't control yesterday and you can't glide by on yesterday as in; "Yesterday I was good so today I can eat what I want" or 'yesterday was crap so what does today matter'. Yesterday is gone. Today is the day that counts. Tomorrow will come, but don't dwell on it. Take care of today. That's discipline."

Two Ways to Approach This....

Verision 1:
The past week has been great! Not only have I been eating everything that I should be eating and hitting below my calorie goal, I've actually added more vegetables like I've been meaning too for weeks now.  I've hit some two-a-day workouts like I've wanted and really giving it my all during my boot camp workouts. Every molecule of food that's hit my lips has been measured and recorded, and I've cut way back on the processed schtuff.

And if you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell ya.

Reality:
How I only gained a # this week is beyond me. I've seriously got about 6-8 comments noting that I look thinner in the past week, which you think would have been enough to launch me into the land of puppies and ice cream happiness but alas. No. Self Sabatoge is this week's lifestyle.

I'm tired... I haven't been sleeping well, NO extra workouts, my boot camp workouts I just felt like I had to push myself through them - like my body couldn't keep up with me. Just gross. I'm sore. My ankle has started to bother me. And I've decided. I'm just going to rest this weekend. No workouts. No runs. I need a break. Two days is all I'm asking for.

Food wise - I'd recommend if you have anything salty in front of you while you read this - protect it - I just may leap off this page and snatch it out of your fit, thin, hands. Anyway. Whatevs.

Time to get my head back in the game. This has been two weeks of BS and I'm tired of it.

Sorry 4:45. Not going to be able to make it this weekend. After today, we'll catch you again Monday. Love & Hate, Nora

4:45 and I are just not on the same page this week.

Late BYOC

Bring your own craziness Friday (on the following Tuesday) thanks to Drazil!! I've been without technology since Thursday, so had to get it in a little behind.

1. If you could be a flower, which one would it be and why?
I love Star Gazer Lilies. Pink and White. My favorite colors! The flower just makes me really happy, because they are so big and colorful - and they also remind me of my favorite job when I was younger.

2. Which Sex and The City Character do you most relate to? (Thanks Jenny)
After seeing the moving and analyzing with a friend – one thing we discussed is that really, each woman lies in the “typical” woman. I think a lot of women have a sexual side (Samantha), a traditional womanly role side (Charlotte), a non-traditional, work your ass off side (Miranda), and the side that is always wondering (Carrie). I don’t know if I really identify with just one… there are certain aspects to all of them that feel like it could be me – but none in their entirety.

3. If you had a crystal ball or could know one thing about the future - what would it be?
Hmmmm. Great question. Maybe if I ever achieve my goal weight? Because if I don’t, I’ll just head to Dairy Queen now!

4. What's your biggest fear in your weight loss journey?
That it won’t be a permanent lifestyle change for me, or that I will fail, again, and never hit goal, be in the 150’s, and ideally a size 6 or an 8.

5. Repeat question: Whose blog or comment spoke to you the most this week and why?

Hmmmm. I read a number of good blogs (last) week. Nothing in particular stood out, because there were just a number of things from many blogs that I enjoyed, and made me think, and continued to motivate me.

If blogger had a facebook style "dislike" button, I would definitely dislike 4:45 am right now.

Something Clever and Unique...

See? I came up with a clever and unique title for today's blog!

Its been a hellofaweek for me and some how, some way, I stepped on that scale and had a loss of about a half pound from two weeks ago,  - and a whopping 4.2 lbs from last week's fluke scale visit. I'm also seeing GREEN again for quite a few days in a row now on my fatsecret account and it feels SO GOOD! I love being under my little RDI number, and it absolutely helps refocus me.

This week, I've been thinking so much about weight - as in how it weighs down my thoughts. I hate thinking about my weight all the time. Its more exhausting than actually working out. I am thinking about gaining weight, losing weight, being a certain size, being able to accomplish some physical feat, eating the right thing, not eating the wrong thing, feeling guilty if I eat the wrong thing, calories in, calories out, tracking, boot camp, bikinis, the commitment for the rest of my life, my goal, blogging about weight or its positive connotation "being fit and healthy", why I want it, feeling happy for the most part at my weight, but feeling like I'd be happier at a thin weight. Cheese and Rice, people! Its consuming!

Can watching what you eat just be a component of your life? How do you keep it from encompassing your life? Even if I'm just sitting on the couch, everything is about planning what tomorrow brings workout and food-wise, being afraid if I can't control the environment, feeling bad that I didn't get an extra workout it. Sometimes it feels like for as much as I think and think and think about it - I'll never hit that 155 mark, and when I do, will I still think about these "weighty" issues all of the time?

What really drives me batty is when I start to worry about what other people think... we have a friend coming to our boat this weekend who is nice, and pretty and has a tremendous body... and I am so worried about what I will look like in the upcoming pictures, and if I wear a bikini (because I do love a tanned tummy) - are they going to think, WTF is she doing in a bikini? And WHY do I care? How do you stop?

Alright. There's today's unleashed PanNORA's box of crazy for you.

On the bright side, I'm stoked about getting down to 182.8, and I'm only 3#'s from being in the 170's again for the first time in 3 or 4 years probably. When I was at my highest, 196, I thought - I only have to lose 10 lbs 4x to get to goal, and I keep thinking to myself, I've knocked off the first 10 lbs, and I'm almost halfway to the second.

Like being on a treadmill and pushing yourself to the next .10 of a mile.

If you have the time - you have to go check out Gina's blog. She just finished P90x with tremendous results - 16 lbs, 9+ inches, 10% drop in body fat. before and after photos can be found on the left side of the screen.

Am I crazy?

Wait… don’t answer that. Alright – here’s a call to any runners out there – is 11 weeks enough time to train for a half-marathon? Yes, I said it. A half-marathon. There is a race that I participate in August, typically just a 5k, that also has a marathon component… And I’m really thinking about running it. But is that too much on my plate? I have boot camp 4 days a week in the morning, that could suffice as some of the cross training… but what about making time for the long runs? I found a program with Friday and Monday’s off, that I think I could tackle… I just have a hard time being disciplined on the weekend. We have a houseboat that we keep on the river, so there are times where I’m literally not on land for three days. And the week after the 4th of July, that same problem occurs, where I may not be able to run for a week because we are taking vacation on our boat, and I just don’t know how often I’ll get to shore.

Decisions Decisions. The half-marathon has a relay component, each person runs 6.5 miles, but I don’t know if I can find a buddy to participate with me?

Hmmm. Again, with the decisions decisions.

I am just having one of those moments where I feel like I have a lot of plates spinning, but maybe this is one of those things if I add it, I can control it… unlike a few of the other plates, I just have to react and keep them spinning. Enough of the plate analogy already?

Anyway – input would be welcomed.

"Slept" in a wind tunnel do to crazy hot weather last night. Father time and Mother Nature obviously arguing and punishing me at 4:45 this morning.

BYOC & TGIF!

From Drazil - "So here we go - 5 questions - funny and serious - to get to know each other better! Join in if you dare!"

1. If you had 3 wishes what would they be and why? (you can't wish for more wishes or money!)(Thanks Steph)

1. I wish everyone on earth could drink clean water. Water is essential to life, and without that, how is progress expected in other areas of life?
2. I wish to be able to consume 3,000 calories every day and still be healthy with killer abs. (hey – it’s a wish, right?)
3. I wish to live a long, happy, healthy life with my significant other. Our parents have poor health and have gone through divorces and already putting spouses in nursing homes and such. I just want us to live happily and healthy together for the rest of our lives.

2. If you had all the money in the world and perfect circumstances - how many children would you have and what sex?

I would like either two girls or twin girls. Maybe a boy first then a girl. Who knows. Health first, gender next! :)

3. Have you ever faked it? (Because I need to laugh...feel free to skip this one if it's too personal.)

No… why reward bad behavior? Lol.

4. What movie character do you think you look like?

I’ve never been told I look like anyone. I’ve been told I have “distinct” or “unique” features. I hope that doesn’t mean I’m funny looking! Haha.

5. Repeat question. Which blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you this week and why?

Diz from Death by Calories posted yesterday about noticing how other people eat their food. (particularly noticing thin people). I’ve also done that – and I’ve wondered – what does that mean of me for focusing on other people? Or wanting seconds when everyone else stopped halfway through firsts? I also received a lot of supportive comments on my blog which I so appreciate. I think it’s amazing that people take the time to read my posts and read my thoughts. I feel like there are some really terrific blogs that actually HELP people out there, so mine feels kind of irrelevant, or that it doesn’t offer much to other people, so when someone takes the time to read… wow. It’s just so so nice and it makes me want to be a better blogger and a writer. I’m also positive that I will be successful this time in getting rid of these damn 40# that haunt my thoughts all day long BECAUSE of this amazing blogland community. 
I hope everyone has a terrific weekend... I'm running the bluff again and going to kick some ass. Hope you can all do the same!

Still not sweating it...

Calories in/Calories out would lead one to believe that I should have lost about a pound since last Thursday, not a gain of almost 4 lbs! That would be an EXTRA 14,000 calories in 7 days! Funny thing is - yesterday, I bought a pair of size 10 pants for the first time in about 4 years! So what the heck? Still sucks - nobody likes to see that,

Not going to sweat it. Just going to keep focused on my refreshed attitude of planning my meals and keeping my RDI in the green... I got in a little extra workout this morning and I plan on going for a walk over my lunch hour today. It is supposed to be great weather, and I have no car to help me escape any other way.

Starting to think about what my workout challenge will be this weekend, and I'm starting to consider running Soldier's Bluff twice for about a 4-5 mile run, and I would get two mean, long, nasty hill runs in.

Thank you to everyone for the supportive comments on my last few posts. It was a little strange feeling so exposed and honest - instead of trying to sugar coat things in the land of Puppy Dogs and Ice Cream, so thanks for letting me bitch - and again, thanks for the comments. It totally is helping me snap back into Weight loss/Exercise Ninja mode. Here's to making it a good day. Its Wednesday! The work week is half way done!

Pity Party O-V-E-R

As promised, my one day funk is over. I'm back into my routine of boot camp at the crack of dawn, some extra quality elliptical time, having my planned-out lunch, and will have a good dinner. Ah. Breathing a sigh of relief to control again. I think yesterday felt out of control (because of decisions I've made) but now I've grabbed the reigns again and I'm feeling like a champ.

Why berate myself so heavily for having a bad week? Again - I still was under my calorie burn, just over my RDI. And I'm at over 6 weeks of steady weight loss. This isn't some fad intense detox for me, but rather a controlled rise into a healthier, maintainable lifestyle. Why be so focused on what didn't go well, and focus a little more on my victories? Now don't confuse this with making excuses for what I did, because you know what? I'm okay with it. Life happens and its a good reminder of what I'm trying to accomplish and the consequences to good and bad decisions.

Regardless. Moving on. Done with that subject.

Whiny Blog... Consider Yourself Warned.

So this is the blog where I whine and pout through the whole thing. As noted above – consider yourself warned.

I’m pissed off because the last week – I SUCKED at food. Ugh. My Fatsecret.com diet calendar screams at me in the red “in excessive of my RDI” for the past few days… now, my RDI (recommended daily intake) that I’m shooting for is 1600 calories, so if I ever go above that, that’s when these annoying red percentages (110%, 138%... 187%!) you get the picture. Not every day results in a day where I consume more calories than I burn – but I’ve not been chasing after that glorious green # of staying under my RDI. I’m just so pissed off at myself for these decisions I’ve been making. And I SEE exactly what’s been happening, and I make these decisions with every meal, and I even think about what I *should* eat, but I blow it off anyway. Dammit. I just need to get back in the right state of mind.

I made it to Spin on Saturday so I got some exercise in, but yesterday, while it was a FANTASTIC day (we anchored out on Lake Pepin with fellow boaters), I drank too much alcohol, leading me to have to spend the night on our houseboat, and I missed boot camp this morning. Not to mention, I feel like a GIANT loser for having a hangover on Monday. At work. I’m trying to be positive and think how much fun yesterday was, and that no, I don’t make decisions like that often. But I’m just frustrated and disappointed in myself. I’ve been doing so well this time, and I’ve been throwing it away the past week.

I know what I’m doing wrong. I know what’s done is done. I know I need to move on and let it go. But it doesn’t make it any easier to do so. I’m really disappointed I let discipline slide and disappear from my life the past week. Its time to get it back.

So here I am. Hungover, at work, on a Monday, sunburned, and disappointed. Time to make a grocery store trip and pull myself out of this Sorry Sally funk. We've all been there. We all know what needs to be done. But can I have a pity party today and whine? Ugh. 210 minutes of work left, then I can leave and punish myself with the P90x Chest and Back DVD to make up for this morning's missed workout because I sure do love working out with a hanger. Blah.

BYOC - and more t-pizzle stuff in blogland.

Not sure what to write today - I'm getting a massage afterwork, which will hopefully make me feel a little better about the Chipotle I inhaled ate for lunch today. I'm planning a relaxed evening, but a good workout for the morning. We'll see if I'll be hitting the streets or the gym - its a weather dependent decision.

1. If you could be a cartoon character – who would you be and why?
Does anyone remember the cartoon from the 90’s on MTV named “Daria”? I think I would so be Daria. Sarcastic, unathletic, and occasionally snaps. However – I also could totally be her sassy, ditzy, dramatic sister Quinn, but not quite as mean spirited.

2. Who was your teenage heart throb?
Can honestly say I didn’t have one. Did I miss out?

3. Do you believe being overweight is about a mental obstacle or do you believe it’s simply about overeating/food?
Hmmm. It’s probably a combination of both. I think if I knew the answer, it wouldn’t be such a lifelong battle for me. Everything that I read about the processed foods, the white flour and sugar, the high fructose corn syrup – I believe this stuff is not good for our bodies, although, not critical if enjoyed in moderation. But I also believe that a lot of people have gone through some painful sh*t, and instead of turning to alcohol, drugs (legal or illegal), food can fill a void like those other substances can. With that being said, it would be really hard to eat 10,000 calories of fruits and veggies, and not so hard of bread, pizza, ice cream, etc. Anytime I have a hard day, I don’t exactly (ever) say, “Pass the celery stick.”

4. What’s your all-time favorite song?
OOO! I love so many songs! I’m a music junky! Since I could never pick a favorite, a few in my top 10 are: “God Only Knows” and “Sloop John B” by the Beach Boys, “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey, “Living on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi, “I’m so lonesome I could cry” by Hank Williams, "Life by the Drop" by Steve Ray Vaugh and "Miss You" by Blink 182 and on and on and on. Sorry. Shall I list my whole Ipod or do you have better things to do?

5. Whose blog or comment spoke to you/stuck with you this week and why? This is our “you get to be famous for a moment” without having to follow all the rules of an official blog award question.
I loved Drazil’s feminine product blogs this week, because they made me laugh (it was a crabby, dreary week) and I’m typically that girl stuff like that happens to. Case in point – leaving Best Buy this morning, digging my keys out of my typically empty purse, the security guard is already staring me down and making me feel nervous – and out pops a t-pizzle and it rolls across the floor like a stolen CD. And – I don’t even have a reason to have that in my purse this week. I proceeded to pick it up, jam it in my damn purse, and continue the search for my keys (that were in my back pocket) outside. Not a super huge deal, but still embarrassing even at 27.

I also SO admired Amy W. for putting herself "out there" like she did, and she got feed back from so many people that made me feel not alone when I've had similar thoughts to hers. Also that she was brave enough to confront her feelings - when it could have been easier (i use the word loosely) to attempt to bury them.

611 calories gone in an hour of spin! Not to mention some serious sweat detox! Yeah baby!

I’ll Show You 2 Onion Rings and Question for Y’all

I’ve been silent the past few days. Very busy at work, and somebody gave their computer a virus yesterday afternoon, shutting down blogging and work-related activities. I’ve started week 5 of boot camp. One fun fact is that last Friday I committed to running up to the top of Memorial Park/Soldier’s Bluff in Red Wing, and I did! It felt great! It was tough, but I totally felt like Rocky at the top. It’s a three-mile loop from my boat to the top of the bluff and back, and it sure was FUN to run down! I’ve reached the conclusion that running is a bit easier when gravity is working with you. Now, not gonna lie, I did do a run/walk combination up the hill, as my heart rate monitor was going off the charts. I think it feels better that I said I was going to run to the top of the bluff, and despite cold weather and sleet while running up the hill, I followed through with something I said I was going to do.

Eating the past few days have been less than stellar. I haven’t hit the grocery store, so I’m running low on all the things that provide me consistency in my diet. Staples like bananas, berries, cottage cheese, string cheese, etc. I’m planning on hitting Spin class tonight because I want my 3,000 calorie burn day, and I’ll easily surpass that with an hour of spin. Its one of those days where I feel like I could go forever – I’m hoping that energy carries on until class later.

Fun stories of the day include:

Didn’t pack a lunch today so just ran to the deli counter and asked for a chicken breast and splurged and asked for a side of onion rings. The b*tch at the counter gave me: 2. .30 cents worth of onion rings. I didn’t realize this until I skipped my chicken and went right for the greasy golden rings of goodness, and couldn’t help but think, WTF? Who gets TWO onion rings? It was the universe telling me to layoff the onion rings, chubby. But dammit. And sure. Now I’m fine with the fact I got two onion rings - it would have sucked having that big calorie & fat-laden food journal entry, but seriously? I’m more just surprised by the deli woman and her stingy onion-ring distributing behaviors.

Second story is not so much of a story – but a brief poll.

1) Has anyone taken a Turbo Kick class? Thoughts/reactions?
2) Has anyone run a half-marathon? How long did it take you to train? Thoughts? What program did you use?

Much love for a happy hump day.

Question Fridays - BYOC!

Happy Friday All! So looking forward to the weekend! Even though the weather is not so good, I have a challenge for myself this weekend. We have a boat on the river that we go to every weekend in the spring/summer/fall. There is a huge bluff that has a great park and amazing views from on top of it. My goal is to wake up bright and early tomorrow morning and run/walk up this thing. Its a mile and a half up of all steep hill, and then head back down. I really think its going to be hard but I'm so psyched up for this challenge! The picture below is from up top a few weeks ago (that we drove to the top to get!)

Second portion of this blog is the BYOC - Question part from Drazil's Blog.

1. Do you have any nicknames?
My grandma has called me “Nor Nor” since I was a baby. And she is the only one allowed to do so. Recently, the nickname “Norla” emerged, which is a long story involving AAA giving me a wrong membership card. My pet name from my bf is “Pie” – which also emerged from Norla. Thank you lazy AAA data entry person.

2. What was your “last straw”? The incident/situation that made you decide to get a lap band or commit to losing weight via any plan this time?
Hmmm. I think I am just tired of failing. I really wanted to be “hot” at SOME point in my 20’s, and I became tired of inaction. Time therefore life, keeps passing and I don’t want another goal to pass me by.

3. What’s your favorite joke or funny story?
Hilarious – because my favorite joke is also Drazil’s. So, now I’m stumped for a new one. Let’s see. Well, two years ago I broke my leg doing cartwheels. The funny part is, I was doing a lot of them and finally bf said, “You better stop that or you’re going to get hurt.” I replied, “Its okay – I have health insurance now.” (As I just had gone about 6 months without it and only had it for 11 days) Sure enough, my next cartwheel was also my last and I broke my leg.

4. If you could be a TV dinner – what flavor would you be?
Ummm. Can I pick my favorite meal in front of the TV? That would be pizza, sugary soda and ice cream for dessert. Otherwise – typically not a big fan of frozen meals.

5. The question we do every week so everyone can be a little famous without having to do an official blog award….what blog or comment stuck with you or spoke to you the most this week and why?
The blog that stuck with me most this week was from Confessions of a + Sized Girl. She talked about how scary change was, and also about her self-esteem, and instantly the next day took some ownership to make a little change in her life. (Blog dates 5/2 and 5/3). I really enjoyed it and thought about it often this past week about why I want what I do and what’s kept me from getting there before. Jenny also commented to me about a lame coworker with a comment that floored me, and makes shake my head about people and judgement.

Have a super Friday! Own it, Love it, Live it!

What a Slore!

Coworker from yesterday, after being bothered by her all afternoon, told me that I looked slimmer. I know I took the compliment too personally - and it was more about the fact she said it in front of the skinny snotty coworkers (commenting coworker is not thin) - but then receiving her sincere compliment that I was looking thinner makes me feel angry about being mad at the slore yesterday. Whatever. Set it and Forget it. Actually - that's a Ron Propeal coined term. How about, forget it and move on?

Thursday afternoon and patiently waiting for my frenemy, the weekend to arrive, along with her BFF's alcohol and fatty, greasy, tasty food.

Done with work a little early to watch my youngest sister in a track meet. Happy Thirsty Thursday!

Hulk Thighs, Muffin Top and Moose Knuckles

1) This week’s boot camp weigh in came with a whopping .4 lbs weight loss. I don’t even sarcastically mean whopping, because Monday / aka 4# higher, to have even come in the realm of last week’s WI number would have seemed like quite the accomplishment. And some how, some way – bam! .4 lbs. You’re damn right I’ll take that. Although my kidneys are just a touch sore, I can only imagine from shoving down gallons of water to flush out the sodium left behind from my toxic, yet delicious and satisfying, weekend. Also boot camp related, my M/W trainer and accountability expert Amanda is leaving my gym this week. I'm disappointed she's unable to complete the rest of this boot camp session.

2) Had a moment at lunch today where I really wanted to knock a coworker out. (Coming from HR – I would have to write myself up – therefore creating more work for me.) It may sound silly and a little dramatic that I became so bothered by this, but when I was making my nice chemical-laden bag of microwave popcorn, a coworker asks “Oh, is that on your diet?” This was in front of the 7 women that bring in some sort of treat to the office literally everyday and don’t get fat. (although – we’ve been having bathroom stall issues. Related?) But, I just felt so embarrassed when she called me out on my “diet” in front of other people. For one thing, the word “diet” has this mocking undertone to me, like “what’s your short term solution going to be this time?”. The other thing is that I totally felt called out on my insecurities. “Hello – I know I’m fat, especially compared to all of you.” Ugh. It so irritated me. And between being caught off-guard and the cheery push over that I am. I came back to my office to only sit and think about it the rest of the afternoon.

I’ve wrote about this before, but even on a few of my favorite blogs, this seems to have been coming up, but how do you stay motivated and accepting that this is a lifestyle change. If you want to be thin, healthy, whatever, it has to be more than just a diet until you hit goal?

3) This all probably wouldn’t be such a big deal had I not chosen to wear a pair of Capri’s that last year 10 lbs heavier I thought I could pull off. Yowza. Now the low-rise, muffin-top exposing, if I pull them up I emphasize what on thin women is a camel toe that I lovingly refer to as a Moose Knuckle, and I feel like if I flexed my thighs while sitting, they may just burst out of my Capri’s like the angry and misunderstood Hulk pants are driving me crazy.

And with that lovely imagine to rest your thoughts on, I go.

Went to the gym for SECOND time today and surpassed my 3000 calorie burn goal! Bring it, baby!

I’ve returned to the world of blogging… I tracked everything I ate over my birthday weekend, and it was all fabulous…. And very clear as to why I’m 40# overweight! Damn. I also may have found a flaw in my calories in/calories out theory, because even while tracking everything – the scale reads that I gained a whopping 4#. This is leading me to drink lots of water, (on my 3rd liter of the day), because I do NOT want to gain. Remain the same, okay with. Gain, not so okay with. And that calorie in/calorie out theory should lead me to a wash this week. Son of a gun.

Inner Fat Girl certainly did not pack today’s lunch of raw veggies, hummus, cottage cheese and perfectly portioned pretzels. She must have still been in a food coma from this weekend. But again, my birthday, so not that I deserved to binge and indulge, but it was worth it. I had one of the best weekends with my SO that I’ve had in a long time, and he put in a lot of effort to show just how much he loves me. Including treating me to a bottle of Dom Perignon for my present. (Also an adorable professional photo book of all the great times we've had over the past 5 years)

I’m looking into getting Internet down at our boat. I really like to at least be able to chime in on other bloggers, and it really keeps my own head straight about why I’m trying to gain control of my food life. It seems as though what we eat is a reflection on other areas of our life and if this falls in line, maybe I’ll have the discipline and confidence to achieve other things important to me. Lessons I believe that WL will teach me.

My boot camp instructor overslept today but we stuck around and did a group workout together. I also squeezed another 20 minutes on the elliptical. I also am so afraid of boot camp punishment that I’m heading to the gym again tonight for about 40 minutes because tomorrow will be birthday dinner with dear old day. He is making a lean protein, but also makes a mean garlic bread and dessert that I will need to plan for.

Happy Monday.

My Protein

One last thing.... I ran out of my whey protein yesterday. Well, I had half a serving yesterday, but today, all gone. I've ordered more, and I realize there are worse things in life than being out of whey protein. However, I can't believe what a difference it makes in my day! I'm sluggish right now, hungry, tired, a little cranky. I'm seriously contemplating running to GNC over lunch for a little bag until my big bag get delivered at work Friday, my PTO day. I don't think I can make it the next 5 days without it.

I'm hooked. Isopure Dutch Chocolate Whey Protein - you're the one for me.

I know. I just blogged about Whey Protein. I'm so lame and apologize to the 18 people that randomly take time out of their lives to see what I say feel the need to contribute to the world.

Scientific Breakthrough - It Really is Calories In Must be Less Than Calories Out.

I figured this whole time the diet & exercise community was high on some crazy pill – with all this weight loss is a simple math equation of the more calories you take in, the more you must expend in order to lose weight.

As it turns out, they were right all along. I’m going on 21 days of straight calorie counting using the website FatSecret.com. I started using it because it was free and it had a blackberry app download (also free). Now I’m dependant on the website. One page leads you to your diet calendar and it shows how many calories consumed and expended, and the net between. Turns out, since last Wednesday, I expended about 6200 calories, and to lose two pounds per week, you need to shave off about 7000 calories. Anyway – 6200 calories/3500 (calories to shave off an lb) is about 1.8# of weight loss, which was, now here’s the magical part: exactly what I lost at this morning’s weigh in! Dum da da!!! Brilliant! My inner geek that craves balance and perfection is almost hyperventilating right now.

I’m now scientifically convinced.

Happy that today is my Thursday and only one more day of work before my long birthday weekend. I will certainly need to up my calorie expenditure over the next few days, as I’m planning on champagne and filet mignon for sure into my schedule. I really like that nice little green arrow next to my calorie intake for the day – not the nasty red one that clearly screams, “Nice binge, chubby. Was it worth it?”

Happy Hump Day! (haha – there’s a calorie expenditure!)

Monday Monday

Nothing new or particularly insightful in today’s blog. (Is there ever?). My blogging WI on Friday resulted in a whopping 1.0 loss… which BTW – Thinking I’m switching WI’s to Wednesdays so it is the same as my boot camp WI. My birthday is on Saturday, so I’m already thinking about how hard and dedicated I have to be this week to my body – as I intend to celebrate my birth with champagne Saturday night.

I was SO nervous for boot camp this morning. It was cardio day with Trainer Amanda. Last cardio day with her I was wrecked for the rest of the day, so today’s workout was challenging, but we ended up with playing dodge ball for about the last 5 minutes, where the punishment for getting hit by a ball was 30 jumping jacks or 30 jumping lunges. I’m going to need a refresher on the rules of dodge ball because I did an extreme amount of jumping, and a very little amount of playing. I either a) I suck at dodge ball b) I’m far too honest and did punishments every time I deserved or c) I don’t know the rules and did more jumps than necessary. Such is life. Not that I can’t use the extra cardio, that’s for sure.

I took Friday and Sunday off from the gym, had a great workout Saturday, and pushed myself extra hard because I knew my dinner options would be limited as we had a catered family affair to attend. I splurged on a fabulous piece of cake but really enjoyed it because I knew I worked it off at the gym that morning.

As a conservative estimate, I figure my calorie burn is about 2,400-2,700 per day. I think a new and more unique goal for me is to have one day a week when I push that above 3,000, or have a day that I get in an extra 30-60 minutes of moderate+ exercise. If its beneficial for the body and metabolism to have one meal per week that is higher calorie than typical, maybe the same works for activity?

The boss, the boss's boss, and the boss's boss's boss (aka the Owner) of my company are out of the office this afternoon and I'm certainly enjoying my solitude.

STFU

Absolutely having a WW3 style argument with the inner fat girl (IFG - See Photo) the past few days. All that bitch is making me think about is pepperoni pizza from Dominos and a chocolate malt. And it sounds so pathetic that I’m thinking about food in such a crazy, emotional way! And this is so uncomfortable to admit – but I am was such a total binger! Not necessarily one of those people that would sit down and eat 10,000 calories… but just the type that wants a certain food, in this case Dominos Pizza (which I don’t even really like unless I’m hungover) and just indulges in the food with no self-control to maybe just have a slice of ‘za, and then a salad. Ugh. And just the fact that I keep thinking about all of these foods that are bad for me (mmm but are so yummy)– totally makes me feel like that stereotypical fat girl. I feel okay – like I have the control right now to just not order a pizza and go crazy – because I do have my eye on the prize right now… Not to mention, my boot camp instructor reads my food journal. I feel obligated to be honest to my food journal – and there’s no way I could ever let that fit, super nice and encouraging instructor down. But really. Why can’t the bitch (IFG) just STFU? I’m so angry that she even thinks she’s got the right to give an opinion right now. Ohhh. Letting my typically hidden neurotic side run wild today. Alright- maybe not so hidden to those close to me – but the first time I’ve written in for all to see. Just the anxiety that thinking about food like this is making me nuts. Geez. Is this what withdrawals are like for addicts?

It’s a process, it’s a change, blah blah blah. I get it. Just a day that I’m angry that I even have to worry about the food I eat and that I never learned to like the “good stuff” in the first place.

Plus side is – tomorrow is Friday and therefore, 4:45 AM alarm clock free. The game plan is to head to the gym about 5:45 AM and workout for an hour before work.

Work note: Today I’m sporting hirt that has a huge hole just above the elbow and I totally forgot about it until I got to work today. It also makes me look preggers – and being that its kind of a tunic – I may get the coworkers talking.

Ignore the bra backfat. Ideally it will be disappearing along with the voice of the IFG.

That person...

When my alarm goes off at 4:45 am, and I subconsciously rise out of bed, I’m always less than pleased, and perfectly happy that my boyfriend stays in bed, because this is the time of the morning where I can be the nastiest, angriest bitch I know - to a point, where I almost scare myself and typically fight the urge to throw a mean temper tantrum circa “3-year-old-only-child -1986-me”. My poor, dear BFF Abby has witnessed this – and has sometimes been the brunt of these extreme mood swings (Here is my public apology, gal!). About twenty minutes into my pre-boot camp morning, after I’m done stumbling around, slipping down the stairs, and bouncing into walls (so not even kidding – you’d think I was a raging alcoholic still drunk from the night before with my sever lack of coordination), I head out the door into me fresh morning air. I walk to my car in my ultra-safe suburban neighborhood with my key in hand – incase of random encounter with an attacker, although more likely a raccoon or deer. I get it, I’m an unstable freak in the morning. However, after cranking some good tunes on the 15 minute drive to the gym, I somehow transform into a cheerleader. The type of person had my earlier self run into - would have punched. I don’t get how anyone can stand me! I’m so perky and loving life. My boot camp workout does this to me. I get up and I’m so happy to be there working my body. Certainly during class there are times I can’t figure out why I’m there – but my whole day is a better day with my morning workout. And without having to leave and go to the gym and have my attendance taken – there’s no way I could hold myself accountable and head out on my own. Even my eating habits in the past year have transformed from “AM Workout=Eat whatever you want the rest of the day” to “AM workout=Don’t put all that hard work to waste (or waist).”

With that said – a goal that I have is to get myself to workout on my non-boot camp mornings on Fridays and Saturdays, and use Sunday as a day of rest. It absolutely sets the stage for me to have a much better, less excuses filled day.

Last bit of info today is to check out Blogger Sarah and Operation Size 8. She is doing her first giveaway - so log on and see how you can join in the fun! Also - Stephanie is a P90x-er new to blogging and looking for followers - check her out too!

Ugh. Suck it, 4:45 am.

Can't it just be official already?

I'm a little number obsessive right now... as Friday is Blogerville Weighin Day and I thought today was WI day for boot camp - but nope - not til Wednesday. Can't I just record my official loss of a pound already? And then I can finally reap my bootcamp reward of a pedicure? My pastey MN winter feet are dying for a little R&R. Its not that I'll be giving up for a day until next week, but the Gen Y-er in me is craving some recognition from the scale and the bootcamp trainer. I just want it to be made official that I've done my part to not have to be punished as a group or as an individual. I guess its a good reminder in discipline and not receiving that instant gratification that I typically desire from weight loss. Or I'm just impatient and there is no flipping lesson!

I boot camped this morning, have had good food today, and plan on at least heading out for a walk tonight after work.... and while my mom is grilling her Awesome Mom burgers, I'll be eating Chicken. Again. Oh, if only I enjoyed fish, as this limited array of pork and chicken as my go-to lean protein choice gets a little old. I'm trying to experiment with different ways of cooking and new marinades though to keep things interesting. And I finally found a salad that I don't think is awful - its the Fresh Express Asian Supreme salad, so I'm trying to keep that introduced to me and hopefully expanding my pallet to more rabbit foods.

Feeling strong today though, and trying to be thankful that I have a body that is strong enough to live up to the challenges I'm giving it right now. And even though I'm one of those people that worries far too much about the things I can't control, and worries about the things I can control but I haven't been discipline enough to change them, my mind is strong too. Thank you for all of the little material things that make up my well-protected life. Thank you for friends I talk to often, those that are still friends, even though we don't talk as much, and thank you for being the type of person that can make new friends in the future. Thank you for giving me the courage to step up and be the kind of big sister I want to be. Thank you for all of the things that I can't begin to appreciate. Thank you, Thank You, Thank You.

For Mrs. L... who is enduring right now for a second time what no parent should have to at any age. Be strong, you gave all that you could. You are in my prayers.  

Sitting next to my S.O. and he's eating pizza he just had delivered. damn. I ate a sandwich so I wouldn't eat the za, but my mouth is watering!

Great, fantastic, awesome, wonderful day!

I'm have a great day! Just amazed by what life brings to us - highs and lows - and today, even though there's a bit of both, I'm thankful and grateful for the highs. I'm peeing rainbows today! I'm down a 1# in my official weighin (yesterday I morning I was down 2.2 - whatevs).

Not too much else to report - ready for my weekend - but had to report my weightloss and happy mood!

The Approaching Weekend

My blogging official weigh in is tomorrow - but I had to peek on the scale today... and I'm crossing my fingers for good things and this morning wasn't a fluke. Especially because I've been very careful about what's being shoved into my face (actually - now there's more eating, less shoving). Based of the amount of work it takes to eat a meal now, with planning and careful measuring, I'm too exhausted to shove. Alright alright. Maybe I'm being a tad dramatic there, but still. Food tracking and planning can easily take the time of a part time job. I spent a good 2 1/2 hours at the store last night... and most of what I bought was on the perimeter of the store, as I'm trying to cut back on that highly processed, perservative-laden food that I've been having a love affair with for years now. I'm not saying we're done seeing each other forever, our bond is too close for that, but sometimes when you grow up (after you've grown a few inches or more out), you also grow apart. And that's my story.

Oh - and for those curious - my weekly consequence for not meeting my bootcamp goal is a 100-Push Up day, my reward is a rotating reward of a mani, pedi, or a massage. (Thanks, Kelli) I'm still working on Long Term goals - but one that I've had for a long time that I forgot about until blogger Alissa reminded me, that I want a pair of Seven jeans. I plan on making a few more long term, more definitive goals, but they have to be meaningful to me. Brainstorming will continue.

Rock on!

Cranky

My attitude could only be described as Cranky right now. I had a TOUGH boot camp workout this morning and I don't think my energy ever really recovered. I also forgot that I had plans to meet my friend for lunch today (I knew something was going on!) so we went out to eat and it just seemed like decent selections were hard to come by...  I ordered a flatbread - that didn't advertise that it was covered in cheese (the other selections said cheese) - and I realize its one meal and I ate only a tiny portion, but I totally felt unprepared and got frustrated by my choice. That and the waitress was slow so I was late getting back to work, then had coworkers requesting everything under the sun. All petty stuff, yes. But it certainly compounded into one heck of a headache. Tonight is grocery store night - so I'm currently writing a list - so when I get there I don't make impulse buys like a pint of chocolate ice cream. Ugh - I think my irritability may also have just been a catalyst in a fight between me and my S.O.

Like when Amanda, my BC trainer was pushing us to the edge this morning, "Remember why you want this and keep going."

Poll Question - Goals

This boot camp requires us to commit to weekly goals - and as such - rewards and consequences for meeting or failing to meet said goals. I'm looking for some fresh rewards/consequence ideas and also - beyond a weightloss number goal - what are some other goals that you have?  We have goals for weekly, 5 weeks through the program, and at the end of the program. Simply put:

1. What are your non-weight # goals?
2. What are some ideas for consequences for not making a goal?
3. What are some non-food related rewards?

And today's secret word is.... DISCIPLINE!

I hardly slept last night with this nervous excitement about Boot Camp this morning... which made leaping, okay, stumbling out of bed this morning at 4:45 am a little easier. It was a great workout. One of the new Boot Camp coaches, Amanda, is great.(Whew - the endorphins must still be pumping from this morning) She gave us a tough workout, and is so fun and full of energy, that her attitude at least made the boot camp environment a little easier. No sarcasm needed here - I really felt good through the whole class to be working hard and holding myself accountable again... not to mention - in a room with six other women - nobody wants to be the underachiever in class! Although - right now - my thighs (as today's theme was "legs") are starting to turn into cold rubber bands. I'm looking forward to crawling up my stairs to bed tonight.

I'm feeling more than a little fuzzy at the moment between this morning's early call time, my Claritin, and a VERY long day at work so far - and I'm hoping this little break helps me make it til 5. Anyway - what I wanted to get out blog wise today is a little deeper than typical blah blah day-2-day crap. I went to church yesterday with my friend Gina, and the message was all about discipline. It was one of those days where you think the message is delivered right to you - and this is one of those contemporary churches so the message is really delivered in a practical way... but in essence - have the discipline to do today that will support what you want tomorrow. So I practiced this yesterday in a number of ways:

1. I took all of my workout clothes out of their drawers and my closet and folded them on a shelf that is out in the open, staring at me every time I walk into my bedroom.
2. I portioned out the entire bag of pretzels I bought into single serving snack bags.
3. I prepared my work clothes and packed my gym bag since I wouldn't be heading home between the gym and work today.
4. I actually put away ALL OF MY CLOTHES that usually stays in the laundry basket until next time I wear them. And then - I ironed all of my work and dress pants for the week.
5. I made my lunch for today as well.

Now - its funny - because none of those are big, time consuming projects, but I always say that I'm going to do stuff like that - but I never do, therefore making me rush in the morning so I don't pack a lunch, don't hit the gym, don't dress as nice for work, etc. And I just have to say - It was SO nice this morning not having to do that crap! "No discipline seems pleasant at the time. It seems painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who've been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:11).

Alright. Enough deep thoughts today. My brain just can't take it. And BTW - please remind me in a few days when I'm unable to move that at one point - I said Amanda was Great. :) Tomorrow I'll try to return to my sarcastic, sassy self.

Its 4:50 am and I'm just awake enough to think discipline: the strong have it, the weak do not. BRING IT boot camp!

Game Time Substitution

First it was all P90x all of the time. Then, P90x and Couch to 5k meshed. Now, I’ve signed up for something tried and true – and really does work for me. Or works with me. Look Good Naked Boot Camp. This is one of those kicks-your-behind 4x-a-week for 10 weeks programs that I did with my boyfriend last summer – and after completing that program – my self-esteem was the highest it had been in years. The founder, Sara J. was a terrific coach, along with two other trainers / slave drivers Adam & Jacqui. It was truly an all encompassing wellness program – there was an exercise component, accountability with weekly weigh-in rewards/consequences, conference calls about different aspects of health management needs. A really terrific program so while I don’t hold myself accountable to my P90x goals (Sorry Tony – I realize you’d lead me to results – but working out in my living room, next to my pal, the couch – doesn’t do it for me.) I will have boot camp to kick my butt. I think I am gym-dependant!

That starts Monday (4/12), and I’m anxiously awaiting the assessment to compare what I’ve done to my body since last fall when I completed my first boot camp session. Now, while I’ll be participating in boot camp Monday-Thursdays at 5:30 am, this time I am taking the express class, which is 30 minutes long, compared to the normal 1-hour long boot camp I took last summer. I am doing this, because I really want to get my strength and resistance training in, while still following through on the Couch to 5k program, which will eventually turn into a 10k training program while participating in boot camp. Also – I still really like AbX & Core Synergistics, and plan on keeping those routines mixed in on Friday, Saturday, and Sundays when I’m not at boot camp.

Anyway, I am so happy to be doing another round of boot camp. It’s really hard for me to motivate myself to workout with my boyfriend at home and not participating in the program… And I would imagine I’m not the only person that has to overcome that hurdle and me participating in boot camp is what will launch me over the hurdle. I really am finding that through this blogging experience, that things that would have allowed me to quit trying in the past (such as not really having the drive to push through P90x at home), blogging forces me to figure out a fitness plan that I think will really become adapted to my life while still accomplishing my goals. So there’s that. Bear with me, folks! What a ride its becoming. I think I may need a name change for my blog.

Finally Friday!

So let me get it out of the way - I did my first "public" weigh in today and I'm up .2 of a pound. Really makes me regret all of the sodium I had yesterday. I don't know exactly how much I consumed, but I know it was a lot, and I didn't think about that when it came to the scale today. Such is life though.

I got up early this morning and did the cardio portion of my Couch to 5k run. I want to dedicate this post to blogger Kelli... I didn't even realize until she mentioned that she is also combining the P90x and Couch to 5k program. This morning when I was out for my run and a few miles from home, I was thinking about her blog yesterday, because I was really having a tough time going (It was like 6 am and still dark outside!) but she mentioned how she kept going and it did get easier, and I had the same experience this morning.

And I definitely had my doubts out on the streets thinking - "why the heck am I out here?" "I am SO not a runner." "1/2 Marathon? 10k? I don't even want to finish a 5k." Anyway - I just want to let Kelli know she is SO not alone in those thoughts - and even though you may be worried about the mental toughness - YOU ARE TOUGH gal cause you still got yourself out to the gym... THANK YOU for motivating me! And you know what? We got this gal! This is our time to kick butt!

Thirsty (for water) Thursday

Its another fabulous day in the midwest. Days like these really get me excited for the summer and to be on our boat that we have on the River. Probably my favorite place to be. And when I think about the boat, I think about wanting to look good in my swimsuit... that I want to be, dare I say it? A.... Bikini! As I committed to last night - I did go for my jog. I've modified my workout in such a way that I am participating in the P90x strength training workouts (3x a week), and then modifiying a version of Couch to 5k for cardio (3x a week)... I have some experience running, so I picked up the Couch to 5k running program at week 5 and I plan on turning it into a 10k running program when the C to 5k portion is done in three weeks.

I also think that I may have committed today to a 1/2 marathon relay (each person runs half) the first weekend of August. Assuming my relay partner Gina and I don't get a bug up our ass to try to do the whole thing?!?!

Still have to say... not a fan that 90% of weight loss... or whatever the figure may be... is done in the kitchen. But little steps eventually will get me where I need to be. Not going to sweat it too much. I want a lifestyle change and to sport this swimwear this summer... miracles not required, but changes and a better selfesteem? Coming right up!

Beautiful Day in the Midwest!

I would be fibbing if I told you I didn't want to go home and have a Corona on the deck... It is unseasonably warm in the Twin Cities today, sunny, and downright fabulous weather. Instead, after my chiro appointment tonight, I am going to go home and go for a jog outside. I mapped out a 2.5 mile path today on my way in to work, so I think instead of doing CardioX or Plyo, I'm going to go for an easy run... I realize it may not have the intensity that P90x has, but I have to get outside!

Nothing new or particularly insightful... just had a few minutes and figured if I blogged about my run - I would have to follow through with it, especially with my "public" weigh in Friday. Hope everyone has a fabulous, goal-supporting night!

Lean with your head and your body will follow.

What you don’t know is that this is actually my second blog attempt for the day. The first one I wrote, read, and re-read and realized I sounded like quite the Sorry Sally so I decided to scrap it and refresh my blog with a better point of view. Straight from the source: I’ve sucked at P90x the last week…. But between my Monavie energy drink I tried today, and the 30 minute walk I went for over my lunch hour in the beautiful spring weather, I’m feeling really good right now. Amazing for a Monday! Anyway, after work and my chiro appointment tonight, I’m going to give my all to P90x. I read a post last week from the P90x FB page about missing a day and what to do and I really enjoyed Tony’s response, which was not to beat yourself up, but to move on, but don’t miss a week and wonder why you aren’t getting results. I keep wondering if I keep looking for excuses to quit. Why? I don’t know. The only thing I can chalk it up to is this aversion to failing that I have. Don’t you know its way better to just not try than to fail? That doesn’t make any sense!

A big thing that I’ve been recognizing lately in the blogs I like to follow is that people are either establishing or re-affirming WHY they want to lose weight in the first place. The generic answer for me is to of course lose weight (I imagine this to be a Sz 8)… but what else does that mean to me? Well, I guess it means that I want to be strong and healthy, and to not have a self-esteem that is in the tanker. My sister (in 11th grade) is extremely fit and I would love to be able to run road races with her someday and for me to be able to keep up with her. We did a 5k together a year and a half back – just after she was done with her cross country season – she hardly broke a sweat and I barely finished in 36 minutes. Just over a mile in, I had to tell her to go and run ahead, otherwise, she would have risked actually fallen asleep while running. Back when I was a runner, I had a 5k personal best of 21 minutes and some odd seconds.

While on my walk today, I was thinking about these goals and if you can’t achieve the short-term ones, my longer term goals will never come. And it reminded me of a piece of running advice I received while participating in one of those 10-week long boot camp style workout sessions last summer, and it was to lean forward a little bit with your head when you run, because your body will find it easier to naturally keep moving forward, rather than leaning back. Then it occurred to me – lean with the head, and the body will follow. Now in an attempt to get a little deep here, I realized it’s the same metaphor for becoming healthy. Get in the right frame of mind with deciding what foods to eat and pushing yourself to not only work out, but work a little harder while working out, and the results I want from my body, will follow. Eh? How about that! Lead with your head (mentally and physically) and your body will follow.

Things to watch for:

• I plan on updating my blog with daily, weekly, monthly and my longer term goals. (Per “Winning by Losing” by Jillian Michaels so you can see what I’m going after.
• My weight tracker. I’m not quite ready to expose my before pictures publically yet, but I am going WAY outside my comfort zone and sharing my weight, gulp, publically. Fridays will be my official weigh-in days. Hold me accountable, people!

Homer Simpson

I just need a quick vent - I am TRYING to learn how to like salad. Really. I am. But I am one step above gagging through my lunch today. I didn't always like beer, and I learned how to like beer. Same thing with bloody mary's. Why not salad? I'm even trying to reframe my thinking to "I love salad.". Alright - thats it. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying.

Halfway done. Today's little victory will be if I don't throw up my salad on my desk. It doesn't help that I have this old Simpson's episode in my head where Lisa becomes a vegitarian and Homer & Bart prance around singing a song, "You don't make friends with sal-ad. You don't make friends with sal-ad."

Do your best and forget the rest...

That's today's motto for sure. I don't really have anything new or insightful to say today... but my cluttered mind does feel better after a quick blog. Here's the thoughts of the day:

Target: I went to Target over the weekend and spotted a cute bikini. Ambitious, right? Well, my thought was, I would take a now picture in that swimsuit and then plaster that image in my head until I've completed P90x where I can then take an after picture. Turns out, I couldn't get my ass into the swim bottoms, so I didn't even bother with the top. I think that swimsuit is more than one round of P90x away. Good intentions, sour results. The quest continues for swimwear that will continue to motivate me until summer. Oh - and instead of a bikini, I purchased new workout shorts, when I really wanted to head to the frozen food section and pick up a pint of Haagen Daaz chocolate chocolate chip ice cream. Little Victories, right?

Diet this weekend: I would say it was a good 50/50. We had pizza Friday night, but I didn't eat the portions I typically would (you know - half a pizza to match my bf). He has started tracking is food... and sheesh. No wonder I've gained some serious poundage since we've been dating. I eat like a MAN! My BMR is over 1,000 calories less than what his is per day, and being the champ I am, can hang in there bite for bite with him - and can even cross the caloric finish line ahead of him. Gross! I just had one of those epiphany moments where even though I knew that was the case before, somehow it finally just clicked in me. What an eye opener to acknowlege just how out of whack my portions have been lately. I had some alcohol - an entire bottle of wine and then some - and it really drives me nuts to not only feel dehydrated, but my skin looks like shit! No other way to say it, sorry! Not only that - but I didn't get my legs & back x workout in. Ugh. Its so frustrating when in retrospect I can see those self-destructive behaviors - that of course, were fun at the time. Whatever though - what we dwell on we do well on, so I'm not going to dwell on the negative aspects of the weekend, but how excited I am to BRING IT this week.

Goals:

 - Stay under 1,600 calories / 30 ww points.
 - Get in my P90x workouts in everyday before work the rest of the week - doing my best and forgetting the rest.
 - Water, Water, Water!
 - Pack my own lunch at work everyday!

Honesty is the Best Policy

As I reflect back on what was my first week of P90x, I grade myself a C at best. I didn't get the protein shake yet, didn't do my grocery shopping so I would have my best meals at my disposal, I never took my before pics and measurements, and I want to get a set of heavier weights and a band. I know, excuses excuses. I rushed myself into this thing with out being prepared - and the little bit of Type A personality I have does not respond well to such poor planning! If this thing is going to get 90 days, I want to do it right, for maximum results. Already on my schedule for tonight, instead of drinking the green beers with my friends, I've got a list for Super Target a mile long, and my new dedication and attitude, I've decided Today is really going to by my P90x day one. And I'm okay with that, and really excited. Its nice that I've done a week of the exercises, so I know what I'm doing. I also plan on doing the "classic" version rather than the lean.

Fun tip of the day is that I'm also becoming gung-ho on my favorite blackberry app called "Fat Secret." Its an awesome tool that can track everything that goes into my mouth - and even calculates measured weights for me. You can track your calories, fat, fiber, WW points - lots of options! You can even sync your phone to their online site. Probably my favorite feature? Its FREE!

I'm totally on Day 2 soreness from legs - and although my right ass-cheek soreness has seemed to simmer down a touch - now my calves feel extra shot. It is that GOOD sore though. After a yoga session a few weeks ago that made me believe I caused serious damage to my right hamstring, (see what an attention whore the right side of my body is?) I thought that I was crazy ever thinking that a workout caused a good sore.

Enough rambling for today. Looking forward to a busy and productive St. Patties Day. Maybe I'll have a green lemon sparkling water to celebrate.

Right Ass Cheek Dominant

So I guess this whole P90x thing in combination with blogging about my experience is forcing me to learn things about myself. Like that I’m right ass-cheek dominant. Yowzaa! After last night’s first go at legs and back on P90x, I feel as though today, my right butt cheek has the same fabulousness as a J.Lo or Kim Kardashian rear end. Which leads me to the discovery that I must be right ass-cheek dominant. My right glut got far more attention then its left side twin because it is Sore Sore Sore today. Every move that was performed last night, I felt like this strong power woman on the right side, and like a drunken uncoordinated clown on the left side. So looks like next week’s go at Legs and Back, I’ll need to provide extra special attention to the left side. I’d hate for the left side to feel neglected or seem any less fabulous than its counterpart.

I can’t believe how it’s only been a few days of the program and I really feel much stronger! Especially because it’s an in-house work out. Oh, and last night’s workout had an audience… My BF showed up halfway through my workout and got sucked into the DVD. Granted, he just watched the DVD, and claimed he was becoming tired just watching it, I think he may have actually been inspired enough to give the DVD’s a try! Before I got home from work, he really tempted me to skip my workout when he asked what I had planned for the evening. AND I WAS SO TEMPTED TO SKIP!!!! It made me realize just how critical having someone at home that supports you to do this program is! I’m hoping, that even though he doesn’t seem like the guy that would do an at home workout, I really want him to start, because I think it will help me follow through. We also agreed that we are going to try not to eat at 7 at night anymore.

Part of my 90 days to a better me is that I’m seeing a new chiropractor that is focused on providing “total health” care. So I’ll have 4 weeks of visits to help rid me of my chronic headaches and there is also a nutritional component that reviews what foods are in my system and what nutrients that I’m missing. I’m not looking forward to the obvious – that I have too many white, starchy, refined carbs in my system (mmm… pizza, garlic bread, alcohol, and ice cream) but, I like the idea of getting third party support as I try to add things into my life that are good for me, and portion control all of the things I love and usually end up binging on.

Good luck to all the ladies out there that are trying to own their day and their actions. For some of us, it’s a struggle every meal to choose the right thing, or to get that work out in, but slowly and surely, we will conquer our challenges and OWN our goals. BRING IT!

A Ruined Meal is Not a Ruined Day/Week/Month

Not gonna lie. I had a GREAT weekend... minus the emotional baggage from not following my diet very closely.  Friday night, even after one of the longest afternoons at work ever, I managed to go home and complete Day 2 of P90x. It felt great and my bf even managed to occupy himself for an hour so I didn't need to workout with an audience.  Saturday was a great day. I spent some time with my little sisters, then my bf and I went out to lunch - where the meal was fine, but I had  cocktails. I can't say that I'm forbidding myself to drink or anything, but what I need to do is remind myself what I'm losing out on by drinking - all those empty calories! I should say though, what I'm *not* losing by drinking. I got in my workouts, I was going to try to double up one day so I'm only a week behind my friend Gina in the program, but I think I'll just work through my rest day instead.

The YogaX is a little long for me. Its not so much the yoga - but I wish the program had a little more energy to it. The slow pace made it harder for me to focus - but maybe that's what I'll get out of the DVD is the ability to reign in my thoughts some.

I didn't plan and bring a lunch today - so I think its a Panera "You Pick Two" day for me. Soup and Salad.... I'll look online and plan out my most nutritous option.

One thing that has to get done tonight is my assessment... I can't say that taking pictures of myself right now is all that exciting - but maybe its those pictures I should put on my fridge and cellphone wall paper. Oy. That would remotivate me any time.

Congratulations to Gina - she had a victory with a pair of jeans yesterday and she absolutely energizes me to keep going!