Absolutely having a WW3 style argument with the inner fat girl (IFG - See Photo) the past few days. All that bitch is making me think about is pepperoni pizza from Dominos and a chocolate malt. And it sounds so pathetic that I’m thinking about food in such a crazy, emotional way! And this is so uncomfortable to admit – but I am was such a total binger! Not necessarily one of those people that would sit down and eat 10,000 calories… but just the type that wants a certain food, in this case Dominos Pizza (which I don’t even really like unless I’m hungover) and just indulges in the food with no self-control to maybe just have a slice of ‘za, and then a salad. Ugh. And just the fact that I keep thinking about all of these foods that are bad for me (mmm but are so yummy)– totally makes me feel like that stereotypical fat girl. I feel okay – like I have the control right now to just not order a pizza and go crazy – because I do have my eye on the prize right now… Not to mention, my boot camp instructor reads my food journal. I feel obligated to be honest to my food journal – and there’s no way I could ever let that fit, super nice and encouraging instructor down. But really. Why can’t the bitch (IFG) just STFU? I’m so angry that she even thinks she’s got the right to give an opinion right now. Ohhh. Letting my typically hidden neurotic side run wild today. Alright- maybe not so hidden to those close to me – but the first time I’ve written in for all to see. Just the anxiety that thinking about food like this is making me nuts. Geez. Is this what withdrawals are like for addicts?
It’s a process, it’s a change, blah blah blah. I get it. Just a day that I’m angry that I even have to worry about the food I eat and that I never learned to like the “good stuff” in the first place.
Plus side is – tomorrow is Friday and therefore, 4:45 AM alarm clock free. The game plan is to head to the gym about 5:45 AM and workout for an hour before work.
Work note: Today I’m sporting hirt that has a huge hole just above the elbow and I totally forgot about it until I got to work today. It also makes me look preggers – and being that its kind of a tunic – I may get the coworkers talking.
Ignore the bra backfat. Ideally it will be disappearing along with the voice of the IFG.