See? I came up with a clever and unique title for today's blog!
Its been a hellofaweek for me and some how, some way, I stepped on that scale and had a loss of about a half pound from two weeks ago, - and a whopping 4.2 lbs from last week's fluke scale visit. I'm also seeing GREEN again for quite a few days in a row now on my fatsecret account and it feels SO GOOD! I love being under my little RDI number, and it absolutely helps refocus me.
This week, I've been thinking so much about weight - as in how it weighs down my thoughts. I hate thinking about my weight all the time. Its more exhausting than actually working out. I am thinking about gaining weight, losing weight, being a certain size, being able to accomplish some physical feat, eating the right thing, not eating the wrong thing, feeling guilty if I eat the wrong thing, calories in, calories out, tracking, boot camp, bikinis, the commitment for the rest of my life, my goal, blogging about weight or its positive connotation "being fit and healthy", why I want it, feeling happy for the most part at my weight, but feeling like I'd be happier at a thin weight. Cheese and Rice, people! Its consuming!
Can watching what you eat just be a component of your life? How do you keep it from encompassing your life? Even if I'm just sitting on the couch, everything is about planning what tomorrow brings workout and food-wise, being afraid if I can't control the environment, feeling bad that I didn't get an extra workout it. Sometimes it feels like for as much as I think and think and think about it - I'll never hit that 155 mark, and when I do, will I still think about these "weighty" issues all of the time?
What really drives me batty is when I start to worry about what other people think... we have a friend coming to our boat this weekend who is nice, and pretty and has a tremendous body... and I am so worried about what I will look like in the upcoming pictures, and if I wear a bikini (because I do love a tanned tummy) - are they going to think, WTF is she doing in a bikini? And WHY do I care? How do you stop?
Alright. There's today's unleashed PanNORA's box of crazy for you.
On the bright side, I'm stoked about getting down to 182.8, and I'm only 3#'s from being in the 170's again for the first time in 3 or 4 years probably. When I was at my highest, 196, I thought - I only have to lose 10 lbs 4x to get to goal, and I keep thinking to myself, I've knocked off the first 10 lbs, and I'm almost halfway to the second.
Like being on a treadmill and pushing yourself to the next .10 of a mile.
If you have the time - you have to go check out Gina's blog. She just finished P90x with tremendous results - 16 lbs, 9+ inches, 10% drop in body fat. before and after photos can be found on the left side of the screen.
I hear ya! Weight can be such a mental draining issue! It's never not on my mind, and I hate that! Way to go on the great progress!
ReplyDeleteI have faith that you'll not only get there, but your eating & exercise habits will eventually be so habitual that you won't be constantly consumed with them. As far as feelings of indadquecy, I've been told that people are so consumed with themselves & what you think of them, that they aren't really focused on judging you. I do know that we're measuring up constantly with others, so hopefully you were able to say screw it, wear your bikini, tan your belly, be comfortable, and had a blast...which I'm sure ended up the case. Thanks for the shout out:-)
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