Friday, November 12, 2010

Running in the elements

Its a cloudy day in the Midwest and we are approaching our first taste of winter weather this evening and into our 5k run tomorrow. The forecast is highs in the 30's and a delightful mix of rain and snow. I'm actually oddly excited to face the elements during tomorrow run.

Which brings me to my next point. Run. I use that term loosely in reference to tomorrow's 5k. I was reading the Hotlegs Runner blog this week (check out the giveaway she has below in my previous entry) and she had this awesome list of 53 Runner's Commandments. #15 is that getting out of shape is much easier than getting into shape. Yes- many of us have been there, but I'm interested to see how things shake out tomorrow. This summer, I was frequently working out and running and finally starting to get into some times that I was happy with. This fall, my working out has been much more sporadic and virtually non-existent in November. My expectation of myself is that this race jump starts my attitude and ambition so that when my official marathon training starts in December I have some endurance back.

What do you think of working out in the elements? How do you prepare for "less than perfect" conditions?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Cool Giveaway!

Hop over to The Hotlegs Runner blog - she's doing a very cool headband giveaway!

http://www.hotlegsrunner.com/2010/11/gear-review-and-giveaway-bondi-band.html

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I doubt it.

Don’t take this that I’m fishing for compliments or encouragement. I just have to get this out there. I am so surprised by the responses I’m getting from people in regards to running my marathon. I thought that I’d tell the people closest to me as another tool to help hold myself accountable. And really – some of the responses have really surprised me. A few people that I’m closest too, if by force because they are family or coworkers, have literally laughed in my face when I told them about my goal. Um, hello family / friends / acquaintances – Thank you. Yes. I know how hard this is going to be. Remember – my father has completed 50+ marathons? Many of which I was waiting there at the finish – after I ran my race that same day? My internship? Was at the Twin Cities Marathon. I get it people, its going to be hard, but cheese and rice, have a little faith in me!

What I want to tell them – is that I’m already afraid that I won’t make it. Or that like every other thing in my life I’ve committed to I’ve failed at. And that any additional doubt is NOT what I need. It goes back to this quote I remember from 7th grade health class (shout out Mrs. Bigalk). “Don’t blow out my candle to make yours shine brighter.” Quite frankly – behind my back – doubt all you want – but at least fake it when this comes up next time we’re together okay?

At the end of the day, I’m most appreciative for those friends that I know sincerely believe in me. It’s generally a reciprocated relationship – because I also believe in them, that those friends can accomplish the goals that they want to accomplish. It’s those friends, that take the usual, sarcastic, self-deprecating me that we laugh at what I’m saying together but it ends with real support of accomplishing my goal.

*Side Note*
I went back and re-read old blog postings. It’s interesting to see where I wanted to go and where I am. Keeping in mind – there is a little bit more to my life than my weight-loss initiatives, it is quite apparent how much of my life is spend thinking about these goals I have. Time for inaction to stop and action to kick in.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Cardio Slips Away!

Wow... so I've been getting back into the routine of tracking what I eat via Weight Watchers everyday... and believe me, this weekend was filled with point totals that could have been the weights in pounds of elementary school kids. Yikes. Anyway. What's done is done... well, consumed and digested anyway. All that's left is a successful week this coming week. It will be a good week. Now I just have to make the decisions that support that.

I'm also back at the gym. A couple of days last week I had to miss and I was so frustrated by the life events that interrupted hitting the gym, but my BF reminded me that its still the beginning. Its not like I'm in the middle of my marathon training where each workout will be a lot more important. My goal is to start my marathon training down 20# from today scary weight.

As referenced in my post title - while working out at the gym - I am AMAZED at how quickly the cadio endurance I developed during boot camp slipped away from me! How does it go away so quickly? I know I can get it back, but just running over the weekend it was SO much tougher than just a month or two ago.

Question - has anyone every done the VO max cardio testing? What about the Bod Pod body fat measuring tool?

Alright. So not one of my better blog posts here... I promise posts of substance will come back soon, but deadlines and billing and numbers and problem solving has seemed to suck my creative writing ability out of me today.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Every Damn Day Just Do It!

Alright. I'm back. And feeling as heavy and out of shape as every. Since about the 4th of July, things have been pretty chaotic with the real world... After this last week of chaos coming up - that's it. Things should be settled and I'll be out of excuses. Plus- I also ran to the mall over lunch to find some new work clothes. Short of bursting into tears in the dressing room - I walked out with new workout gear instead.

Let me mention the biggest change I've decided to make. Who will be running the 35th annual Grandma's Marathon in Duluth next June? Yep. This girl. Yes - I said next June. I've got plenty of time to get my act together. My game plan is over the next few months, I plan on losing a few lbs with Weight Watchers and then January, it will begin my 26 weeks of marathon training. I'm using a bit of an extended plan, but after all the research I've done, it is the most realistic plan for me. I will be using Jeff Galloway's marathon book as my guide. I've also finished the book "The Nonrunner's Marathon Guide for Women". She was a novice runner that took the marathon bull by the horns and advice in "rookie" terms.

Why a marathon??? My dad has completed many marathons... I've spent many mornings on race courses as a kid, waiting for him to finish and they are some of my favorite mornings growing up. My college internship was also with the Twin Cities Marathon - and I almost cry watching people cross the finish line. I think its that cool to do. So I made a promise to myself to run a marathon by the time I'm 30. Well, that leaves me with two more summers to accomplish this goal, and no good reason to wait until the very last minute or summer as it may be. The countdown is on... 3 months to get moving and drop some lbs then I'll take that slender body out for hundreds of miles of training runs.  Its about damn time I find a goal and stick with it... and finally I have one that really really means a lot to me. Do me a favor? Remind me of that over the next 9 months, mmmkay?????

Monday, July 12, 2010

Alive....

Still alive and breaking the rules... I miss all your blogs - they are so great and really inspirational to read.

after basically the month of June off from working out, I started another 10 weeks of boot camp today! I'm up a couple pounds and ready to refocus.

Hope that everyone is doing well and chasing dreams.

Nora

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I'm a Rebel, That's Right.

So at risk of getting fired... or written up... lets face it, I'm in HR and my bosses love me, so probably a good talking to that will make an anal-retentive, nervous planner like myself burst into tears and have a panic attack - here I am sneaking in a quick blog.

Not so much for myself did I sneak on and get my fix, but I HAD to catch up and read everyone else's. I think about the blogger folk and how their weeks are going, and whats been successful and what the challenges have been. I love the place where people, I believe, are their "real" selves, on not always these perfect blow smoke up your ass people.

Anyway - I have no computer or Internet at home right now.... (old computer crashed, therefore no need for the Internet) so I'm now psyching myself up for a new laptop purchase so I can go into my local Dunn Brothers and become a pretentious blogger with my skinny latte's. Okay. Just a Blogger and Bejeweled Junky, as quitting cold turkey is not in this girl's cards.

Friday, June 18, 2010

My company is tracking all internet use. Damn.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Summer, Summer, Summer Time!

It was is the best of times, it was is the worst of times. Alright. Slightly dramatic. But hear me out. Summer is when it is SUPPOSED to be easy eating because of all of the fresh produce supplied by our hard-working family farmers. Well. I beg to differ. Summer is when my alcohol consumption sky rockets (read: pizza and garlic bread Sundays). I hate turning on the oven and heating up our always warm house, therefore there is frequent eating out / ordering in. And I always find excuses to do something after work that keeps me from regular grocery store trips, etc. So now what????  When will I drum it into my head that eating is essential to me ever reaching my goals? Seriously - Even if I just had the discipline to eat well 6 out of the 7 days, I know I'd lose weight. Hell. I was just doing it 6 weeks ago. But progress has stalled. And dammit. I'm NOT going to fail this time. I don't ever want to simply "start" a diet. Its time to cross the flipping finish line. Sheesh. Its time to hammer down and really plan my meals. Fail to plan = plan to fail for me.

I also was reflecting back that the past few weeks my workouts have been the hardest, I've been sluggish, and I almost feel incapable of pushing myself further. Well, hello! This totally correlates to my crap eating! I'm totally realizing that if I'm not fueling my body with better foods, my workouts will never reach the caliber it will take to do things like run a half marathon - or get me to a sub-30 minute 5k. I need to earn the right to achieve these goals, and fueling my body with crap just won't cut it.

Which leads me to an article our boot camp instructor sent me last summer, about the Ape Diet. Summary is below - not that I expect to eat like an ape, (except for in the quantity category of 11 #s of food) - but what a good refresher on how important fruits and veggies are to a diet, and filling ourselves up on foods that are filling for nutritional content. Not fat and caloric content.

"Jill Fullerton-Smith, who might be considered a pariah by fast food devotees in the U.S., organized a 12-day trial that included nine volunteers aged 36 to 49 who would eat a diet fit for primates. These nine were housed in a tented enclosure at the Paignton Zoo in Devon, England. Because they were adjacent to the zoo's ape house, their eating regimen during the trial has been nicknamed the Ape Diet. Fullerton-Smith turned to King's College Hospital and Lynne Garton, a registered dietician and nutritionist, to devise the Evo Diet consisting of the types of foods that humans evolved to eat over thousands of years, a diet that would also lower cholesterol and blood pressure.

Participants sampled ape diet.

Garton took her inspiration from a plant-based diet of man's closest relatives, the apes. She devised a program that was made up of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and honey that would be given to the participants on a three-day rotating basis. The menu had three requirements: 1. It had to be safe eaten raw. 2. It met adult human daily nutritional requirements. 3. It provided 2300 calories--between 2000 recommended for women and 2500 for men

And what did they eat daily? Five kilograms (11 pounds) or 2300 calories of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and honey on a 3-day rotation, typically:

Broccoli, carrots, radishes Cabbage, tomatoes, watercress Strawberries, apricots, bananas Mangoes, melons, figs, plums Satsumas, hazelnuts

The only liquid for the volunteers was plain water. In the second week the participants were given "standard portions" of cooked oily fish that might have been part of the hunter/gatherer lifestyle. Anyone facing the task of devouring 2300 calories of raw food daily will soon discover that is an impossible task for most people. Most of the volunteers were unable to finish their daily quota of food. Guards were stationed outside of the tent to keep any members of the group from sneaking off to the local pub for a pint and some chips.

Roughage has side effects:

Garton revealed that without caffeinated drinks and some foods in their normal diets, the participants enjoyed good energy levels and did not display "unhappiness and grumpiness." The major side effect was the flatulence from all the newfound roughage they were eating, not a subject discussed in polite English society. Of course, the human apes were able to derive health benefits from this diet in spite of the oily fish during the second week. The average cholesterol of the group fell 23%, an amount that is usually achieved by prescribing statin drugs to accomplish those dramatic results. The average blood pressure dropped from 140/83 to 122/76. The experiment was not designed for weight loss, yet the group averaged a 9.7-pound drop.

Commenting on the experiment, Garton said, "The main lesson that they took away was to eat more fruit and vegetables. They also cut salt intake from a group average of 12 grams a day to 1 gram (against a guideline maximum of 6 grams) and reduced saturated fat--which makes cholesterol--from 13% to 5% of calories (recommended 11%)."

One of the participants, Jon Thornton, a 36-year-old driving instructor, was volunteered by his wife. Thornton weighed in at 19-stone (266 pounds) and confessed that he never eats vegetables. What he faced in the tent was quite a change from his usual fare of bacon, sausage, eggs, fish and chips, and Chinese take-out food. He almost quit the experiment on the first day when he opened a cold box and was greeted with raw vegetables, especially the reviled broccoli. After the initial shock, he found himself eating huge portions of fresh fruit and vegetables. At the end of those twelve days he had lost 12.5 pounds, reduced his cholesterol by 20%, and saw his blood pressure drop. "

So better to eat like an ape than a pig I guess!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Excuse me, What???

Today, I went to have lunch with my blind BFF. I know you guys might have good BFF's, but let me tell you about mine. She used to have a job very close to mine so once a week we were able to meet for lunch and gossip, and laugh, and survive. She had a baby mid-February and had been out on maternity leave. So we still had our lunches, but they were a little longer apart. Fast forward to the week before she is to return back to work, and due to a genetic condition, her eyes give out and she's legally blind. My BFF is so flipping awesome, today she hopped on a city bus for who knows how long, blind and with her four-month old and met me for lunch. It Made.My.Day. Her mom was planning on picking her up from lunch to go to a dr appointment for BFF's dad, and the bomb was dropped. BFF's dad has a brain tumor. I can't believe it. This happens to other people's families... Not BFF's family. Its long winded and complicated, but the family sure could use some prayers after the storm cloud they've been stuck under. It is time for the sun to shine. BFF's family practically is family (they've known me since I was 4 with bladder issues for cryin out loud). I just love BFF and BFF's mom. Such brave, smart, beautiful women.

Anyway - below is what I started before lunch. I'm a little lost for words but I have to say. I'm SO thankful for my health, and my family's health. And my BFF's. And even on these bad days, or I don't feel like working out, and making my body stronger, I will remind myself that I CAN work out. And when I get pissed about a bulge there, or a roll here, a dimples there, there, there, there... and, oops, and there. I will be THANKFUL for my body and give myself a damn break some days. There are worse things in life than an extra slice of 'za. I'm sure I'll still have a bad day, and complain but I hope I can keep things in perspective, and that same ability to keep things in perspective (that eating extra calories everyday will go against being that healthy body), I will reach out and grab the goal that I want and expect myself to accomplish.

Only 4 more boot camp sessions left! I'm so bummed. I've been having a really good time with class this session. Today we did the "One Upper Game". Our trainer sets up various stations, today it was Burpies, Squats, Step-Ups, and Side Shuffles and we keep track how many activities we did in 45 seconds. For example, how many burpies you can do. The first go round I did 27. Then the next time you get to that station, you try to beat that number, so the second time, I got 35. What I love about this is that the second round, I always push myself hard enough, even though I'm winded from the stations before, I beat my score. And that always feels great.

DAMN - Funny Part - So before the big news at said lunch, while BFF was holding baby, some old ladies walked past us and complimented BFF on how precious her daughter was, and turned to me and said: "You must be the proud grandma." Excuse me???  I'm 27 years old, often complimented that I look young for my age and have beautiful skin,  and AND a year and a half younger than BFF. Really? Really? Sheesh. If that old lady's eyes are that bad - I'd rather take my chances with blind BFF driving than that old lady!!!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hello? Friday? Where the F are you?

This is my brain.... this is my brain after my first audit.... aklsdfj sdlkfj sdkfjasldfyenvlk. Understand? I went through my first audit at work today. Now somehow I need to put the rest of the day together in such a manner that I continue to function and drive myself home when the clock finally ticks to the magical moment of 5:00. Today might be considered a success if my coworkers don't find me running around with my dress over my head and drooling. I'm burned out and trying to fight crabbiness. Ready for the weekend, and now have to psych up and finish our company's billing for the month. and in my most whiny voice.... I don't want to. I wanna go home, lay my behind on the couch, and watch some TV.

Instead, I will go home, dig out some energy from somewhere in my body, so I can spend the rest of the night pulling weeds, weed whipping (didn't get done whatever other day I said I was going to do that), and polluting my local ground water with Round-Up. Sorry Mother Nature. I owe you a tall one. Plus side to destroying the Earth is that yard clean up should burn some extra calories.

New fav find is "Wholly Guacamole." I made was able to bring some chips and baked, organic blue corn chips to work with me today - and ooo. SO hit the spot! It tastes great and requires about 1/8th of the work reguarly guacamole does. I also added extra tomatoes for a little bit more filling of a dip. Super satisfying, and I can't wait to have some more with dinner tonight. Its Taco Wednesday (just like at my grandpa's Americal Legion Post 98) at my house, and I'm doing my best to swear off alcohol until Saturday.

The only problem with a 4-day work week is that it is usually followed by a 5-day work week.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

ISO - New Game Plan

For the past 9 weeks, I've been participating in Look Good Naked Bootcamp at my Anytime Fitness gym. Its 10 weeks long of 4 days per week, 5 optional Saturday workouts, nutrition guidance, workouts, etc. I did the program last summer, saw some decent results, and started up again this spring. That's right. Monday -Thursday, I drag my ass out of bed at 4:45 am to go to boot camp. (There's also an attendance policy.) I participate in the 30 minute "Express" boot camp. Something just clicked in me this time, and I have had better results with this 30 minute express boot camp than last summer's full hour long boot camp session. Well, I'm really disappointed, and so are my fellow express boot campers, to learn that the gym will only be offering one morning session this summer, from 5:30-6:30. My work schedule is changing so I start at 7 a.m., and I haven't got official approval yet if I can just attend 30 minutes of class  - which would result in missing out on ab work everyday, and the hour long is not paced as rapidly as the express class. Long, winded story short, if I don't start the next session of boot camp on July 12, WTF is going to be my new game plan? The accountability factor with attendance sheets and weekly weigh-ins and consequences has been so important, that I'm just not ready to be boot camp free yet.  And although last week, 4:45 am kicked my ass more than the class did, I do have a routine, a rhythm, a lifestyle I've started.

Alright, alright. Enough whining, I know. Certainly there are worse things in life that have happened. I'm just super disappointed in the gym right now. But don't worry, they've received an email voicing my concern. I think its all about getting in the right frame of mind that someone might not be there in the next few months to hold me accountable like they do now and I'll have to depend on my own discipline to keep getting me up and to the gym at 4:45 am.

In this session, there are 6 classes left. Two this week, and four next week. I decided that I'm going to do my "detox" beginning Sunday, June 20 for a week. Its a very easy, not very intense cleanse I received from a personal trainer a few years back. Its basically no fat, flour, dairy, or sugar (other than naturally occurring in fruits), and Yerba Mate tea with each meal for a week. I'm expecting 3 days of headaches from the lack of my lovers, starches and white carbs, then I actually feel energized and ready to take on the world.

Hope the sun is shining where you are - its rainy, gray and windy here. Looks like I'll hit the gym instead of weed-whacking the yard tonight.

Monday, June 7, 2010

1, 2.. Skip a Few.... 99, 100!

The skip a few part. Uh, Yeah. That has been the theme to my food journaling the past two weeks, I've got a couple days in, but not all. However... I woke up this morning with the motivation that took a serious vacation from me last week!

I feel like bloggerville had a flu going around - not a lot of motivation, some hard weeks on the scale, but let me be the first to say I'm predicting a community-wide come back! Reframing what we are all on here to do - tell the tales of WEIGHT LOSS! Sure there are ups and downs, but I'm feeling it guys! Better eating, stronger workouts, and strong attitudes. Summertime - long days, short shorts, and limitless activities with the ones we love.

Do you feel like gagging yet?

Just had to throw it out there - that like a few other blogs today, I'm also stepping up and re-committing myself, and I'm absolutely excited again.

Things essential to my success / goals for June:
  1. Food / Exercise Tracking on FatSecret.com
  2. Planning lunches at work - not buying more than *1* lunch out per week.
  3. 250 minutes of exercise per week.
I'm sure there are other things I could add, but this seems like a reasonable start for me. I've also considered doing a very light, very easy "detox" that's only 7 days long. Is basically no processed food, flour/wheat, or fat for 7 days. Super easy, and just a good way to refresh and cleanse the tastebuds.

It also sounds like I might be hitting Vegas at the end of August - and if that's the case, I'd love to be 15#'s lighter / in the 160's. So when I'm bitching and complaining about things not going well, remind me of that, okay?

Friday, June 4, 2010

BYOC Friday!

5 fun questions you wouldn't typically answer! Happy Blogging - Thanks Drazil!

1. If you could live anywhere in the world - where would it be and why?
Even though the winters can be awfully lame, I would probably stick here in Minnesota if I could have my dream home on a nice lake or river with a big yard. As much as family can drive me crazy, I don’t think I’d ever live too far from them.

2. How old were you when you got drunk for the 1st time?
I think 16 was the first time I got rip-roaring drunk. Ah… the memories. Sophomore year. I think that’s when I temporarily rebelled.

3. What was your favorite toy growing up?
I have to pick two favorite toys. 1st was my Sit and Spin, and the second was probably my Speak and Say. Because, apparently I was a fan of alliteration with the “s” sound as a child and my favorite toys had to fill that idiosyncrasy.

4. What's your favorite season and why?
I’m a 100% summer girl. I love sun dresses and the water and walking outside without coats on… but I also love the fall where you can wear jeans and a t-shirt during the day and jeans, a sweatshirt and flip-flops at night at a bonfire with good friends.

5. Which Blog or Comment spoke to you this week?
This is really bad of me - but I can't remember who's blog this came from - but this is the comment I really liked: "I start each day over again. Like today is today. Tommorrow is tomorrow and yesterday was yesterday. Do the right thing TODAY. Don't worry about the weight except as a by product of today. You can't control yesterday and you can't glide by on yesterday as in; "Yesterday I was good so today I can eat what I want" or 'yesterday was crap so what does today matter'. Yesterday is gone. Today is the day that counts. Tomorrow will come, but don't dwell on it. Take care of today. That's discipline."

Two Ways to Approach This....

Verision 1:
The past week has been great! Not only have I been eating everything that I should be eating and hitting below my calorie goal, I've actually added more vegetables like I've been meaning too for weeks now.  I've hit some two-a-day workouts like I've wanted and really giving it my all during my boot camp workouts. Every molecule of food that's hit my lips has been measured and recorded, and I've cut way back on the processed schtuff.

And if you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell ya.

Reality:
How I only gained a # this week is beyond me. I've seriously got about 6-8 comments noting that I look thinner in the past week, which you think would have been enough to launch me into the land of puppies and ice cream happiness but alas. No. Self Sabatoge is this week's lifestyle.

I'm tired... I haven't been sleeping well, NO extra workouts, my boot camp workouts I just felt like I had to push myself through them - like my body couldn't keep up with me. Just gross. I'm sore. My ankle has started to bother me. And I've decided. I'm just going to rest this weekend. No workouts. No runs. I need a break. Two days is all I'm asking for.

Food wise - I'd recommend if you have anything salty in front of you while you read this - protect it - I just may leap off this page and snatch it out of your fit, thin, hands. Anyway. Whatevs.

Time to get my head back in the game. This has been two weeks of BS and I'm tired of it.
Sorry 4:45. Not going to be able to make it this weekend. After today, we'll catch you again Monday. Love & Hate, Nora

Thursday, June 3, 2010

4:45 and I are just not on the same page this week.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Late BYOC

Bring your own craziness Friday (on the following Tuesday) thanks to Drazil!! I've been without technology since Thursday, so had to get it in a little behind.

1. If you could be a flower, which one would it be and why?
I love Star Gazer Lilies. Pink and White. My favorite colors! The flower just makes me really happy, because they are so big and colorful - and they also remind me of my favorite job when I was younger.

2. Which Sex and The City Character do you most relate to? (Thanks Jenny)
After seeing the moving and analyzing with a friend – one thing we discussed is that really, each woman lies in the “typical” woman. I think a lot of women have a sexual side (Samantha), a traditional womanly role side (Charlotte), a non-traditional, work your ass off side (Miranda), and the side that is always wondering (Carrie). I don’t know if I really identify with just one… there are certain aspects to all of them that feel like it could be me – but none in their entirety.

3. If you had a crystal ball or could know one thing about the future - what would it be?
Hmmmm. Great question. Maybe if I ever achieve my goal weight? Because if I don’t, I’ll just head to Dairy Queen now!

4. What's your biggest fear in your weight loss journey?
That it won’t be a permanent lifestyle change for me, or that I will fail, again, and never hit goal, be in the 150’s, and ideally a size 6 or an 8.

5. Repeat question: Whose blog or comment spoke to you the most this week and why?

Hmmmm. I read a number of good blogs (last) week. Nothing in particular stood out, because there were just a number of things from many blogs that I enjoyed, and made me think, and continued to motivate me.
If blogger had a facebook style "dislike" button, I would definitely dislike 4:45 am right now.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Something Clever and Unique...

See? I came up with a clever and unique title for today's blog!

Its been a hellofaweek for me and some how, some way, I stepped on that scale and had a loss of about a half pound from two weeks ago,  - and a whopping 4.2 lbs from last week's fluke scale visit. I'm also seeing GREEN again for quite a few days in a row now on my fatsecret account and it feels SO GOOD! I love being under my little RDI number, and it absolutely helps refocus me.

This week, I've been thinking so much about weight - as in how it weighs down my thoughts. I hate thinking about my weight all the time. Its more exhausting than actually working out. I am thinking about gaining weight, losing weight, being a certain size, being able to accomplish some physical feat, eating the right thing, not eating the wrong thing, feeling guilty if I eat the wrong thing, calories in, calories out, tracking, boot camp, bikinis, the commitment for the rest of my life, my goal, blogging about weight or its positive connotation "being fit and healthy", why I want it, feeling happy for the most part at my weight, but feeling like I'd be happier at a thin weight. Cheese and Rice, people! Its consuming!

Can watching what you eat just be a component of your life? How do you keep it from encompassing your life? Even if I'm just sitting on the couch, everything is about planning what tomorrow brings workout and food-wise, being afraid if I can't control the environment, feeling bad that I didn't get an extra workout it. Sometimes it feels like for as much as I think and think and think about it - I'll never hit that 155 mark, and when I do, will I still think about these "weighty" issues all of the time?

What really drives me batty is when I start to worry about what other people think... we have a friend coming to our boat this weekend who is nice, and pretty and has a tremendous body... and I am so worried about what I will look like in the upcoming pictures, and if I wear a bikini (because I do love a tanned tummy) - are they going to think, WTF is she doing in a bikini? And WHY do I care? How do you stop?

Alright. There's today's unleashed PanNORA's box of crazy for you.

On the bright side, I'm stoked about getting down to 182.8, and I'm only 3#'s from being in the 170's again for the first time in 3 or 4 years probably. When I was at my highest, 196, I thought - I only have to lose 10 lbs 4x to get to goal, and I keep thinking to myself, I've knocked off the first 10 lbs, and I'm almost halfway to the second.

Like being on a treadmill and pushing yourself to the next .10 of a mile.

If you have the time - you have to go check out Gina's blog. She just finished P90x with tremendous results - 16 lbs, 9+ inches, 10% drop in body fat. before and after photos can be found on the left side of the screen.